7/18/2009 03:56:00 AM
zzz
FUCKING INSECURE RIGHT NOW! SHIT! now out of the blue u want back your life?!?! go everyweek and see if i like it anot!!!!TRY THAT! so you're the only one giving in? then i did not do a part then. what to do when u love someone? it's like a someone buring my chest. u don't like my click of friends i try to avoid them u don't like this don't like that i also suit u and now you're the only one giving in your club life? hmmmm maybe it's my wrong. hahaha i'm selfish. i'm pissed and insecure! feel like dying if only i have some pills some syrup! i want to vant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think i'm in deep in love! do you know some times i don't feel good? do you? i always feels that i'm not good enough.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................maybe.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................you have no fucking idea how i'm feeling now! guess now you'll be like 'oh the music was shiok sia i like, next week come again leh' hmmmm fun haiz........................................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUgGGGGGGGGGGGGGGggggggggggggggggHHhhhhhhhhhh
4/19/2009 03:57:00 AM
zzz
celebrated her birthday at Rebel was fun. got to know her friends. mingle with them. baby love so love =)
3/24/2009 06:16:00 AM
zzz
sweetlove tell you the truth that you just didn't know...
babylove i'm hooked i'm addicted on you
now everything's getting perfect in a way
you said you'll have no time for me in these few days and now i'm missing you badly
sweets you're like in my life 24/7 a minute without you makes me feel so insecure
oh dear i don't know what will happen in days to come
baby you've brought me back on track a pure sense of direction
baby we'll have loads of love exchanging to do ahead right
baby love i'm counting down to the number of hours to see you
IMISSYOUONLYYOULOVES
3/21/2009 08:21:00 AM
zzz
one of the happy days=) had some Thai movie 'coming soon' it was a horrifying one scare the wits of of me! had couple of drinks over at bq fun and laughter enjoyed=) dbO tonight must me a greater fun! Bottega Wallet and Keychain i want can see can't buy! someone buy my car so i can buy, i'm so broke=( girl cheer up. smiles.
3/16/2009 08:40:00 PM
zzz
Alizee-Moi Lolita
DJ Tiesto-Power Mix
DJ Tiesto-Lethal Industry
DJ Tiesto-Adagio for Strings
3/10/2009 04:05:00 AM
zzz
爱就宅一起..........sooooo nice.........! she's so cute damn..
2/26/2009 03:08:00 AM
zzz
Liangyu, Ann
Here's another Ann =)
Ann, Alan, Liangyu
The Ladies and Gentlemen =)All i could say was FUN FUN FUN.
Was at the right place, with the right drinks and great company, great clubbers. CHEERS.
2/19/2009 07:02:00 AM
zzz
Omg...can't sleep having the adrenaline rush pumping inside me! having myself relaxing for the past 2 weeks was great. gotta find my job soon.
2/01/2009 05:00:00 AM
zzz
Everybody is working and in schooling, maybe I should be doing the same too soon, cuz i've quited my job...so i'm offically jobless now hahaha, having all the time i could have now but on the other side...no income!
House visiting during the session was great...way awesome then i thought=) lots of angbao, won quite alot but lots of cash flowing in and out too...too bad did not Lao Yu Shen this Chinese New Year.
intended to catch a movie today but ended up somewhere...went to the carpark opposite Cine, was waiting for a lot...did something stupid, put her on reverse and knocked down a bike! goosh! it was embrassing! picked the bike up lucky the exit is right in front so guess what?! i made a run for it hahaha...and the worst part is...it left a 2cm scar on her! damn! hearbrokened...was it my fault? no! that idiot bike parked at the wrong place out of no where!
1/25/2009 05:32:00 AM
zzz
night at Impact was boring! celebrated my friend's birthday at Impact! oh hell boring place, made our way to Zouk instead a far better place. well come on Singapore is full of boring stuffs, had enough of the same old people i'm done with it and getting sick of it, should enjoy ourselves overseas when there's chance ya. somehow it feels like i'm missing something out...
1/23/2009 12:54:00 AM
zzz
can't wait for Friday's and Saturday's late night party, Sunday's birthday and reunion! then CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! tuesday get some and maybe wednesday off we go to Batam=) Dinner at Aston was goooooood. Awesome treats! looking forward to Zirca and Supper Club...CheerssS. might be going back to school soon=(
1/18/2009 09:16:00 PM
zzz
went shopping yesterday=) bought a Burberry polo tee, had dinner at Swensens, went bugis villiage for a walk, saw some folks over there=) had steamboat for supper. went Sabai for drinks, 4 bottles of Martell and unlimited rage and fun. kinda miss though.
1/09/2009 01:04:00 AM
zzz
i'm bored...so darn bored...need to buy something...i wanna travel...argh~! i'm spending way too much way beyond my limits...guess i'm making dirty money clearing bad debts haha. Gossh~ give me a month and i'll be alright everything will be back to normal cheers. Darn! OhShit! haven't shop for new clothes gonna buy Burberry polo for sure!
........................................................................................................................................................................................
12/29/2008 02:32:00 AM
zzz
have not been blogging since. busy, tired!
work work work, till Christmas came
time to let my hair down.
drink drank till 8am with xun and company=)
bought a gift for her, surprisingly her mum text me=)
gonna meet up with her soon.
time to party again New Year's coming!
time for countdown=)
12/08/2008 06:03:00 PM
zzz
celebrated my brother's birthday ytd with family at Paragon. Saw KaiYun there with her friends too. after my brother's birthday, headed down to Sabai Sabai for her birthday, my brother's on the 7th hers on te 8th. drink drank drunk.
12/05/2008 01:59:00 AM
zzz
我們的紀念日
帶我走
吻得太逼真
missed! love...
12/05/2008 01:49:00 AM
zzz
just finished watching the last 2 episode of Miss No Good. So touching! made me dropped tears.
missed watching with her.
haiz feel like quiting my job, full of liars, actors, 'old ghost'! Argh~!
12/01/2008 01:54:00 AM
zzz
plans were blowed on Sat night.
wanted to drink eventually but ended up at Cine instead.
saw my brother and his gf,
brought them to watch some street racing in orchard but ended up joining the crowd.
was fun burning some rubber with 30 over cars.
time to start mob up my car.
to love someone indeed is a torturing.
but to be loved is a blessing,
....missed you!
11/27/2008 01:42:00 AM
zzz
dame! i lost my car key!
the damage...$400+
as promise you're the 2nd girl to share my ride with.
miss you so...
11/21/2008 10:58:00 PM
zzz
very sad! dropped my Gucci keychain and my car key!
placed them both together and they lost together.
heartpain =(
11/18/2008 10:26:00 PM
zzz
Finally got my own ride=) !
wanted to share with her but she wasn't there=(
11/16/2008 05:59:00 PM
zzz
After the chalet went to Serangoon Gardens to meet Charmaine, Xun, KaCheong and JiaMin.
had a few rounds of beer then headed down to Sabai Sabai. saw friends over there, drink drank drunk=) home sweet home.
11/16/2008 05:56:00 PM
zzz
the rock and roll bashing at the Chalet =)
great fun!
11/16/2008 05:52:00 PM
zzz
Lol. just the 3 of us!
Ping and Me
Tian Yuan and Ping
Friday Night at Indo Chine!
11/11/2008 08:44:00 PM
zzz
feeling damn bad these few days! fucked up friend! selfish! liar! the word to describe him 'bastard'!!
well i missed her, haven't be catching up with her these few weeks. nothing i can do.
though car is coming by this week or next, not feeling excited at all.
crappy nights. dark clouds all over my head.
life's complitcated, beyond explainations.
not to say about my feelings now.
need to be alone yet a listening ear is needed!
while who can i talk to.
argh! i need happy pills!
11/02/2008 10:15:00 PM
zzz
US!!
So Sweet
Charmanine!
Crazy night!
Ah Kai
the boys!
lol
the crazy girls!
night at dbO was so fun!
asked Charmaine to tag along but did not expect Xun to be there lol.
happy!
drink drank drunk=)
next stop Dragon Fly but too bad she's drunk
sent her home=)
10/29/2008 02:19:00 AM
zzz
yeah getting my car soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
happy!!!!
i miss her!!!!
10/26/2008 11:39:00 PM
zzz
The Living Room At The Marriott.
i love this place!
played my favourite Trance, RnB!
great place to club!
but the down side is....lots of ang mo!
Belvedere Vodka!!!
SWEET!!!!
CHARMANIE's twist of fate
she's drunk!
10/19/2008 03:37:00 AM
zzz
last night i dreamt of Xun! forgot how it was like but the whole scenario was like a fairy tale! sweetdreams. woke up by mum went to see car again, she say buy weekend car cheaper! but i don't like!
rushed to my tattoo session, did a whole lot of colouring! painful! i noticed something. everytime when i go for tattoo sessions my heart hurts and i'll think about nothing but her. haha maybe it's more of a taboo session then a tattoo session.
went boat quay to find eric, ahmeng and his wife at Raining, then next to Sake. made KaiYun came up to Sake, had a little sake session with her as promised.
next had prata for supper, sent eric home then headed down to Thailand to find friends. they wanted to go 'mass'. refused no choice so went home.
10/17/2008 09:08:00 PM
zzz
YEAH i brought home at near to 2k in 9 days! Happy Delighted Speachless!
haiz but there's ups and downs in my stupid job !
kinda miss her*
haiz as i say ups and downs
work drink drunk sleep and not think so much=)
10/13/2008 01:28:00 AM
zzz
9/28/2008 09:02:00 PM
zzz
went to see the 2nd hand wrx compared the price with a new car, not worth it! so went to see the new civic'09. nice car i like i want. too bad the earliest date i could get my car is at Nov.!!!!
9/28/2008 08:59:00 PM
zzz
Lol she can't get a good shot!
9/22/2008 04:18:00 AM
zzz
these were the crappy days! argh~!!! i miss you!
9/21/2008 09:24:00 PM
zzz
had my 3rd session of tattoo, i swear it has nv been so painful as the previous 2 times! hate the hair part can't take the pain! so finished the upper part of the hair then skipped the lower part! continued with some colouring till i fell asleep, whole body was numb by then. 1st time i saw blood! as they said ' there's a women behind every successful man's back ' hahaha what a phrase.
9/20/2008 03:08:00 AM
zzz
went drinking at bedok with ahho, eric, wencheng ,anthony and friends. had fun and laughter. drank and drunk my sorrows. miss her yet i can't go anything, wonder whats she doing, feel like seeing her but i can't. kept to myself once again. painful yet it'll be another day.
9/19/2008 12:41:00 AM
zzz
nobody in this world is perfect.
i miss her more than anybody could.
only god knows i could.
in the end it's all that that matters.
9/17/2008 06:02:00 AM
zzz
did lots of things wrongly. i must have a change from now onwards! sad things always happens. i hate this feeling, it really sucks! and it hurts damn lot. i miss you!
9/15/2008 04:06:00 AM
zzz
i miss you.
it's all i have to say.
though we seldom meet,
but when we do,
it speaks alot.
sometimes i feel you're here,
sometimes you make me feel so cold inside.
i've got to hold onto my nerves that torture me with every mention of your name,
every memory stored.
i asked myself is this a game,
or is this called ''love''.
now you've brought me to a maze,
you left me there,
hide n seek is what it's called,
you hide.
you seek.
how can i find the real you.
everyone is having a piece of you,
teach me how to get a piece of you.
i miss you,
i've paid a dear price for missing you,
yet i will want to continue,
not ending with lies and tears.
love is the reason to love,
not an excuse to get hurt.
i can't fight this reliance.
i love you with all my faults.
i've looked into the mirror,
i've found the curves of me,
it's the curves thats chases you off.
it's the curves i tried to bent,
to take off the sorrow in me
and the hate in me that left with you.
for what i've said,
for what i've done,
i don't hope for anything.
i will still be there for you,
when you're cold at night,
i'll keep you warm with my blanket.
the lines in my palms has deepened for you,
till the day i hold your hand walking down the road.
till the end of your breathe.
i'll hold on to.
i miss you.
i do love.
if you do....
9/15/2008 03:32:00 AM
zzz
9/15/2008 03:25:00 AM
zzz
i'm kind, i may be good, i will care, i maybe soft, for love i will die in, i can give you what you want if i can!
don't swollow me for i can't!
for i am walking the path no one has walked before.
9/15/2008 03:04:00 AM
zzz
it's been,
long since i've drank so much,
long since i've puke,
long since i've cried,
long since i've flared,
long since i've confronted my relatives,
long since i've return mum her justice,
long since i've vant for my dad,
long since i've hugged my friends,
i've done all that yesterday.
now i,
want a daddy's love,
want a love,
want a hug,
want a kiss,
want a pretty face,
want a cat my baby~,
want a bigger heart,
want a smile.
i've not got all that.
my life isn't that pretty after all.
eversince i've felt so lost! without nothing! 24/7 missing!
9/14/2008 07:16:00 PM
zzz
i love and i love.
9/10/2008 07:37:00 AM
zzz
went Kampong Baru to find eric, ahho and wencheng at pub Otwo. there's this waitress name KeLi, went there few times did not talk to the waitress there don't really know them as well cuz everytime we went there, wencheng and ahho will play with them, but today this girl KeLi went up to our table and tell me she choose a song "XingTong", i said hey i wanted to listen to that song so since you want to sing then you sing lo. just before the song came out we went out for a smoke, the song started playing she ran out saying hey i thought you want listen that song, HELLO i'm smoking here! then her elder sister who was also outside overheard and scolded her thinking that she want to sing. kinda felt guilty causing her to get scolded so i choose the song again and ask her sing. she was kinda pissed, dun care so we carried on drinking drank and drink and drank! till her sister walk up and said something that kinda shock me lo. you like my sister right! OMFG. since when lol. actually she mistaken me for wencheng, crap! next stop boatquay Beerbelly, drink drank and drunk! had prata for supper then ahho suggested going Loyang for praying. Half way through the prayers i PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!! not once but 3 times luckily no one saw. so embrassing! reach home 6+am ! had a shower and now i'm kinda AWAKE!!!!! 2 more hours and i'm off to work! shag! what a day. haiz. i missed her. she has been missing for the pass 48hours and no news of her, guess she's not in the mood ba. but was worried though, tried to care but i can't haiz what to do. so sad that it's so hard to care and be there for someone you love.
9/08/2008 12:07:00 AM
zzz
met up with eric wencheng and ahho. wanted to go for eyebrow threading at 1st but miscommunication occurred. too late till the shop closed. headed to chinatown for congee, heavy rain! headed to OTwo after dinner, xiuling and jieying came along. barriers after barriers...!! got high kinda drunk, went graxs to see her after that. got tipsy! had steamboat for supper at bugis. while on the car back home was so damn full and the kick of wanting to vomit came along! tolerate till the end. sad always the 2nd last to reach home! puke when sending ahdave to take him car. everything for supper came out! what a day! missed her.
*pissed! it took so damn long to upload photos from my phone to my com! it's a new phone! with a fucked up programme!
9/04/2008 05:38:00 AM
zzz
went graxs with KC and wencheng. saw my secondary friends had a little drinks with them. next stop Nana. not so fun without Rain in action. had a little photo session with her =) 12 more hours to cruise, 1st time experience kinda excited. hurayyY!!!!!
9/03/2008 08:22:00 PM
zzz
lol
awww~
=)
beng, eric
lol
=)
omG! Fingering!
Mic, Beng
cheeze~
Beng, Jovin
=)
Beng, Cheng, Cheong
=)
=)
=)
Beng, She
=)went to some hotel near Machperson for some thai disco. the singer sux lo can't really sing well! but had fun though =) after that went to Nana saw xiao xing had few drinks with him. went for supper and head to friend's hse for a nap so tired! 3 hours of sleep not enough! had a bad headache the whole day! my back itch too! damn! i'm tired!
9/02/2008 01:02:00 AM
zzz
did my tattoo shading on saturday. tolerate pain and itchiness for 6hours plus. took a morphine tablet but seems take no effect only cause drowsiness! lousy pill! 6hours of shading and it's not completed, thank god the artist wanted to stop cause my face turned pale! cold, thirsty, hungry, pain. met up with eric and wencheng after tattoo session and went to BaoBao's pub to finish the balance then went to Kampong Baru for next drinking session. closed at 2 we proceed to Boat Quay Beer Belly, took photos but still not sent to me! happy still...cause she came down find me! went to Raining Bar after that then home sweet home.
went to Mitsubishi showroom today with wencheng, actually i've eyed for Honda Civic 1.6 and Mitsubishi Lancer EX. wanted to get the Civic but the price range is out of my budget! so Lancer EX is a better choice. got to save up 2k for the booking fee haiz... lol someone give the idea of pick exterior and pink rims hahaha look like Pink Panther don't think anyone will dare to sit except that someone who suggested it lol.
8/30/2008 12:09:00 PM
zzz
wanted to go dbO and Geo to find Xun Charmaine and Ping ytd but by the time i ended work finished dinner i was super tired so headed home took a shower watched some drama series while waited for their call, in the end i ended up on my bed! so sad la. it's been ages since i'd did some shopping! at least i'm awake for my tattoo session at 1pm later. hope it'll not occupy my whole Saturday cause i still want to do some shopping!
8/25/2008 03:59:00 AM
zzz
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
tainted love
Labels: Marilyn Manson, Tainted Love
8/23/2008 03:15:00 PM
zzz
a place where it hurts more than the wounds exist even deeper. i've learned this on a cold night. i don't know what's real anymore in a world coated with lies. your voice i will never forget. the meaning of life is love. it's not your fault. none of it is your fault.
8/23/2008 07:28:00 AM
zzz
eric and beng
me and ah ho
wei yang and liang yu
ah bao and beng
he's not smiling!
Gary and Dave
went to Kampong Baru for drinking session. kinda depressed at first. after that went to boat quay. it went deeper!. gone hay wired. i missed her i missed him. did not know she was with someone! broke down. went back alley wanted to vomit but can't drank too much. instead tears came along. but still was drunk! damn!
8/21/2008 08:25:00 PM
zzz
something has been missing my entire life, i tried so hard to pretend what it was. i know that you are my guardian angel and i have faith that you are there for me when i need. if you only knew the impact you had on my life. when you went away, part of me did as well, it went with you so you didn’t have to go alone. can you read my lips? what i'm saying. can you feel my heart? how i'm feeling. can you read my mind? who i missed. i know you would because you're always there. i want to thank you for loving me. it kills me that i can’t see your face and the memories sometimes fade away, i hate that feeling. but when it’s just you and i all i think about are the good times we had and could have had if you hadn’t gone away. the only thoughts going through my head were i didn't get to say i love you for one last time. now it’s too late for me. i try not to miss what i never had i try to remember i love you still.the lack of your love has been an insidious pain. the blood that runs through my veins are yours i'm your's and always will. no one could ever replace you. i feel like you had more to teach, and we're both missing out on that. i wonder if you get it all, if you can sense how bad i feeling now. Sometimes, i simply cannot sleep. i stay up all night, to avoid sleep because i'm haunted to see what other's had and i don't, that is you. i just wonder if you get it all. the gravity, the weight inside. i wonder if you're feeling it too. i cant help but think that maybe, just maybe if you didn't leave i wouldn't be so screwed up. i could never see your face feel your hugs never again will i hear your voice. i'm sorry for turning out so messed up, Daddy your dear son misses you! yes i really do. Dear dad read my tears. wherever you are I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU. i'm sorry for being so messed up. if only you were here to listen to my feelings, i won't be so crazy over her. if only you were here to guide me i would not be so lost. the only way to see you is to look into the mirror because i'm you flesh and blood and i resembles you!
Labels: i miss him
8/21/2008 06:25:00 PM
zzz
went BaoBao's pub had few jugs of beer, got 2nd in the pool tornerment=) then went golden mile for afew drinks. thought she'll be going to Nana so went down first in the end she's not there. had rain accompanying me=) too bad she's going off soon. wanted to have photo session with her but that stupid phone went low batt! drink drank and got drunk! went home gone crazy.....called her she answered=)
8/18/2008 04:12:00 AM
zzz
woke up at 6PM today! so tired! took a look at my phone and 17 miss calls! not bothered to call back. no msg or calls from her. sad. wanted to sleep again but phone rang. was Charmaine, asked for steamboat for dinner so drove her to Bugis for her cravings. Xun wanted to come along but too bad she's having dinner at ahma's place. ordered alot so full! nice yummy dinner=)send her home then went to parklane to meet friends. was a nightclub! never even asked for a girl then the "mummy" brought one in, not bad looking Vietnam girl, chatted with her told her about my feelings about her too could not understand, felt like talking to the wall! pissed! texted and called her but no reply, no mood to play either so drink and drink and drank lots! my friends played and they go crazy with the girls, only me kept staring into my phone, was thinking what for get close to a girl when she can't replace her. 1st time to such a place, while could be fun if my mind's free but still this kinda place's not my cup of tea. till now my head's stuffed with her. i missed her. sometimes you rather die than living with the pain though it's part and passel of life! i hate yet i love. i came so close yet she ran.
8/17/2008 03:45:00 AM
zzz
went nana with her and friends on thursday bought her flowers, i asked if she could remember how many flowers i gave her and she did! girl you simply rocks! smiles! we had fun, she enjoyed herself and i'm happy she did, finally she painted the smile on my face, she made my day!went Geo at Shenton Way yesterday met up with Joyce. long time since i've seen her. had a little chat. world is so small they knew one another. happy to see her but till late things went totally wrong for me, gone crazy! she actually hold a guy's hand and walked towards the toilet! was thinking what the hell she's doing! being sensitive i followed thinking she wanted to go to the ladies but i never even see the guy! kept thinking where she went what she's doing! texted her but she denied holding hands, replied just friends. got drunk in the end did not know where my friends brought me for supper. woke up 12pm and 1st thing in my mind was the image of her hold the guy's hand leading the way! once again i gone hay wired, isn't it painful to see such a scene? especially someone you love. it really shattered my heart. texted and texted and called and called her, no reply till evening. saying she was drunk can't remember what she did last night, she is single and what's wrong when she is drunk and the guy held her and there's no reason to explain. it's totally different from what i saw with my own eyes she hold his hand and lead the way. i kept thinking on the negative side! ok yes you are single and yes you have your freedom and i have no rights to interfere but still it hurts to see your love ones doing this and the image isn't good. kept telling myself is it wrong to text her why she is doing this? i was worried yet i'm broken. is it so hard to care and love? i asked myself again and again is my method of caring and loving someone possessive? i don't know the answer kept thinking it's for her own good yet comments from peers were negative about my mindset and what i was doing was wrong. why is love so complicated! the more you care and love the more they back off, but when you don't they will think why are you not caring and do you love me and when you don't really care they leave. devastated as i am now! my tears are dry my heart swollen my mind spins. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LOVE! am i wrong? if yes i'm sorry whatever you do that hurts no matter how many times the glass shatters, i still will be there cause there's love. as you said you love no one for the time being and let nature take it's path, yes i agree some things can't be forced but still i'll run the never ending path to finish line that never exist, cause flowers might one day bloom in the winter. miracle do exists because i love you.
Labels: the happy and unhappy days
8/13/2008 03:00:00 AM
zzz
i had this feelings twice in 22 years, both were amazing women. i was naive, stupid, extremly possessive and i took it for granted. totally messed it up, it was a great mistake a greatest mistake which caused me a great price, a huge drama and a pain beyond words. i've finally realise how stupid i was, i decided to fight for it but it was too late, she won't take me back. she was right and i really was stupid. i've learned and if only i could turn back time. i hope we can but we can't be. wished i've been born without feelings.
8/10/2008 03:46:00 AM
zzz
outline of part 1 completed took me a 5 grueling hours of pain and itch!
rested for 5 mins and the begining of outline part 2
completed outline of part 2! 7 hours! i swear it hurts in the begining but feelings numb the pain.went to JB for seafood. brought some dvds for time killing. texted her a msg did not expect much either. now here i am thinking how can i get a good sleep with all those running through my mind, i want a sweetdream but i don't want the ink to be on my bed either. i miss u hell.
8/08/2008 10:26:00 PM
zzz
now i'm constantly working on improving my abilities and knowledge. i'm going through withdrawal and managed to survive for about 2 years, even with a 'high risk' lifestyle it's very confusing. here i am silently strange and joyously ridiculous one moment and masquerade the next, i can be kind of random sometimes, thats me take it or leave it. i meet random strangers everyday, i may be friendly, i may be soft but don't ever break me apart. curiosity and love related subjects fascinates me yet it damage me the most.
i love the people around me who makes me happy, they always give me a stab in the heart whenever they do or say something that hurts me. if you hate me don't worry i hate you too, if you love me rest asure i'll stay close i'll put you in my arms. love is a playground it swings in between heaven and hell hang on to it and may joy and tears be with you. learn the hard way see the bright side of love let the oracle decide our love. i feel sorry for myself i feel like a mannequin now i have no idea of what i'm typing i'm not on dosage and i'm not drunk either. i don't understand either.
8/07/2008 11:52:00 PM
zzz
my tattoo...
8/07/2008 02:20:00 AM
zzz
her replied msg shocked the world. yes i broke the promise, i admit. what makes the difference if you doesn't care. you're still happily ever after. seriously it doesn't mind to you at all isn't it. it really hurts, the pain the sorrow is so hard to overcome it's not about a simple task, it's about every single drop of tears being kept inside and suddenly being washed away. everything that has gone through a guy's mind i've thought of it, now think of how much i have to ponder before you can light a smile. it probably doesn't matter to you cause i'm simply not worth right! crazy as i am, looking for some other ways to vent my emotions, i turned to my peers drank quite alot today. have not been drinking for quite some time surprisingly i'm tipsy and alive typing! sent them to boat quay after the beer session, went straight home wanted to go nana but i have to control work come first am i right? have to priorities certain things. but still i miss you, hell what i can i do................................................................it aches!............................................................... longing for my new tattoo this saturday! what else can i say; what else can i do; bottom line and the summary for everything is...........i still care and i still miss and i still love. if only we were together i will sacrifice almost everything for you, even by walking through the thickest snow the bitter winter i'll catch the cutest penguin for you. just for you................sounds like rubbish doesn't it. but still i love penguin!
8/04/2008 02:13:00 AM
zzz
was asking myself if i was that bad. am i not good enough? why must you leave? it's always like that. i hate it. why can't we settle? why am i missing you and not you. now it's complicated i made it so complicated. everyday i drink it, now 2 bottle of it. everytime i hold 1 in hand i had to think twice before i having a sip of it because you once told me you hate it had me having those kind of things. but now i drink it without hesitations, from fun to relying on it to kill those unhappy thoughts. relying on it to to temporally removing you from my head. it kinda helps! when i rely on it i felt so carefree i don't think of you at the moment when the kicks fade away it made me so tired that you don't even feel like going out end up sleeping, so it helps.
had double dose of it last friday cause it felt so bad inside. went for movie after work. fell asleep during movie. so tired till i almost doze off while driving home. had a good sleep.
received a missed call and a text msg at 4am it was xun. asking where am i, asking me to go discovery find her saying she just reach. too bad was asleep. lol surprisingly she will ask to meet up.
went to shopping for tattoos on saturday. made up my mind from landscape to geisha with blossom tree. initially wanted a blossom tree and a waterfall japanese style but on 2nd thought geisha resembling the girl and the blossom tree resembling love would be meaningful. made up my mind and this coming saturday will be the 1st appointment. looking forward.
i regret the absence of you. in other words i miss you. i'm afraid
7/31/2008 12:54:00 AM
zzz
my colleague asked me a every sensitive question today. he asked if my mother and my love one fell into the rive who will i save? i paused for a second pondering...if i save my love one i and not save my mother not forgive myself because no other women can replace my mother...if i save my mother i will go crazy missing her like how i do now! so i replied him i will save my love one first and then die with my mother. why? without my mother there wouldn't be me and sometimes i force myself to believe that if there is a girl who have captured my heart and i strongly love i will want her to be happy thinking perhaps there are even better guys out there who can make her smile brighter.
seriously i wanted to go down see just to see her but i am afraid i don't know why. i felt like i'm hiding from her. my friends are behind my back but i'm just too afraid. strangly this is the 2nd time i had feelings like this. Argh~! ala damn it! maybe we really are not meant to be. it's true that a relationship takes 2 hands to clap but the other 1 is not so maybe this is fate or maybe it's cow dung.
seriously i wanted to go down see just to see her but i am afraid i don't know why. i felt like i'm hiding from her. my friends are behind my back but i'm just too afraid. strangly this is the 2nd time i had feelings like this. Argh~! ala damn it! maybe we really are not meant to be. it's true that a relationship takes 2 hands to clap but the other 1 is not so maybe this is fate or maybe it's cow dung.
7/27/2008 09:57:00 PM
zzz
went dinner with mum at Chong Pang had crab for dinner! slept around 7pm ytd after work all the way till this afternoon. still feeling feverish! drunk lots of liang cha but still useless! head spinning! lots of stuff running through my head now. you, job, friends, and so on.... it nv stops.
maybe it's time for me to think about myself, ever since you've cared for others, who has been caring for you other then my parents. now i'm beginning to hate my life. i've not been appreciating things. damn it! i can't stop thinking about you... i felt messed up ever since you're gone, you've pierce a knife through my heart. it's bleeding ever since...i miss you
7/24/2008 01:46:00 AM
zzz
sales went bad to worst since monday. improvements need to be made in convincing clients. did very bad a sin today. everytime i step into the illegal jackpot room i never bet but today out of sudden i ask my friends for a game. spinned and lost 50bucks! actually i wanted to leave went i am winning like 20bucks but too paiseh to ask the guy to cash out 20, ego killed me! i swear i'll never bet again! guess what my mum text me today while i'm working, she asked if i want to work in her office. should i or should i not? argh~ i want to settle down! again today i miss you.
7/20/2008 05:13:00 PM
zzz
speechless...seeing wencheng sad these days kinda feeling down these days too.
reminiscing about the past...too far too late. dreading for a brighter day to come by.
but for now drowning is the best method. everyday we were blind by the mist trying so hard to find a way out.
the way we miss the way we handle things are by extreme ways, extreme ways we've tried, extreme ways we've gone. argh fark~! i don't know what i'm blogging! living in a coma will be a better way of living through life. god blast us
7/19/2008 04:22:00 AM
zzz
i hate being sick! still insist of going work determination ruled over me. thats good somehow. reached home round 10 after OT. friends asked to dbO in the end bathed and fell asleep! somehow my wencheng managed to get into my room and wake me up lol! reach dbO at around 1am music was great had 2 shots and headed to the dancefloor, went to nana after that. saw miss idiot but she didn't see me haha was just beside you idiot! haiz nvm it's sour. surprisingly we went home early! feeling so sick! i need medicine!
7/17/2008 07:51:00 PM
zzz
met up with xun and her cousins yesterday night with wencheng over at prata. lol our conversation was like spiking one another, was like
xun: "eh wah nv go to the bugis pub find the dunno what girl drink ar"
ly: " you never go your discovery find your mrThai guy ar"
the conversation continues...
after that went to Loyang to pray, felt kinda release after praying.
haiz history always repeats itself......................
7/16/2008 01:06:00 AM
zzz
work work work work...forget forget forget forget...i'm tired!
7/13/2008 05:40:00 PM
zzz
in the past few years i'm blinded by love,
through hurt, pain, jealousy and sorrow i've gone,
pain killers doesn't work.
and now,
i've learned my lessons.
it's ok i'll be fine one day.
too bad i'm not the right one,
memories will always be a memory,
just like a nightmare,
it'll haunt you everynight.
i'm scared.
will you enter my world and comfort me?
GUESS NOT!
Labels: GUYS LIKE ME IS A LOSER
7/12/2008 03:22:00 AM
zzz
7/07/2008 06:50:00 AM
zzz
for most problems there's it's own solution.
- if ill, go see a doctor.
- if broke, find a job.
- if robbed, call the police.
- if hungry, go to the kitchen.
- if dead, report to the grave.
- if losing his mind because of someone he loves, however there's no standard solution exists....
7/05/2008 09:07:00 AM
zzz
Bonnie and Clyde.
Romeo and Juliet.
for love they died...
by fate we can't be...
tears are the gateway to a soul,
within them contain the emotions.
wrote your name in the sand,
washed away by the sea of yours.
i couldn't help but smile watching you slipping away,
trying to find the saviour to hide my emotions.
wasn't the first time i'd made such a journey,
i'm so near yet you're far from sight.
i closed my eyes and try to see what happened between us.
trying and guessing which heart belongs to you,
now i know and i always knew about it.
once so close and now so far.
just like the waves will wash your name from the sand,
my tears will wash your kisses from my cheek.
yet i do not wish for these tears to roll down my cheeks,
for they're the kisses from you and the short special memories of us.
but this is all i can do,
keep trying?
what else can i say,
because of you…
Labels: Just like Bonnie and Clyde; Romeo and Juliet by fate we can't be...
7/04/2008 05:28:00 AM
zzz
"Love is where the Heart is," and i've been missing my heart so. it's sorrow is as sweet to me as a rare wine. am i out of her league? some say fortune rewards the bold. sadness,loneliness avoidance,liar and a players' heart are neither are traits that i hold in high regard. i may have been over sensitive when i said i wasn't, but i try to live in the now where the ghosts of old wrongs do not abide, the past always haunts. now i've fallen in love without hesitation and i took my heart my everything with along. my heart led the way and i followed now i've died in your arms. i've underestimated the angel of love, i've underestimate her greatly. i love u, i'll run the longest marathon to reach for your heart, i'll walk you through the darkest alley, i'll shelter you from the tears in your eyes, i'll protect you from the evil deeds of love, i'll steal the prettiest flowers from the Eden of heavens jut for you, i'll buy you the sweetest KinderBreno. all these just because of you my favourite of all favourites. in the name of love. i love you! i will adore you! most of all i miss you! cuz you're my idiot!
7/02/2008 10:00:00 PM
zzz
meet u with rene and yenny at Great Word then to her tattoo shop end up at graxs. she told me alot of things! end up at BQ. while on way home KC called ask me to Nana, went there just to see you. lol Dave gave u flowers. bad things happened last night stupid argument with dunno some graxs customer. but well i don't care. at least i get to speak my heart out to Miss Idiot.
Labels: DAVE LEARN TO CHILL AND LISTEN
6/30/2008 07:44:00 AM
zzz
what a day at nana. esther is coming? i dun think so. intended to find u but well. what a bad day. maybe i'm too much. but well i snap with pretty Rain. but what a really bad day for me. maybe perhaps might be too much a bad day just to see you. so long as you are happy i'm simply contented. feelings are hard to be controlled. you won't understand and you won't, nobody will. at least thank got we had happy memories together. i will and i still will be...with loves. happy to see you today.
6/28/2008 04:26:00 AM
zzz
went bedok again for beer session with friends had 17 bottles! everyone was like wanting to go home when it was like 1am only. end up reaching home at 3. feeling kinda weird without your text msges. wasn't sure what i'm thinking feeling was like very lost. yet for sure you ain't mine. hope i knew what was going on in your mind. 1 word for sure is that i miss you badly. it felt like so helpless and i can't do anything. now i'm unsure if falling in love and wanting to care for someone you love is a good thing or a bad idea. things always have to end up in tragic. what am i going to do about it, i don't know for sure. i feel sorry for myself as i'm bring these feelings back again. sorry i've fallen for you.
6/27/2008 05:58:00 PM
zzz
things were kinda dramatic last night, can't sleep well. went for interview today. senoko drive! so damn far! tired...kinda lost now kinda unhappy only i know the reason why. everytime things turned out this way, disappointed and lost of fate in myself.
6/25/2008 02:39:00 AM
zzz
the gift that made me smile,
the gift that i never thought of,
the gift that made my darkest night bright,
the gift that perfected my birthday,
is you!
your kiss!
Labels: iloveyou~
6/23/2008 05:20:00 AM
zzz
celebrated advance ??th birthday at graxs and raining. was very super happy! did not expect so many people attended! lol not even my ??st birthday was so grand. shocked to see the 1st birthday cake was a slice of fruit cake, but when the 2nd cake arrived was so happy lo. actually was quite lost couldn't remember much only some crazy and stupid incidents, was quite embarrassed the next day when everyone told me what i've done. broke some promise and regretted truly sincerely and whole heatedly i'm sorry feeling remorseful. overall i'm HAPPY beyond words!
feeling kinda stressed right now can't even get to sleep. gotta go for 2nd interview with big boss in unknown days. hope i can get through the interview and get my dream job as auditor! so longing to pass my exams!
feeling kinda stressed right now can't even get to sleep. gotta go for 2nd interview with big boss in unknown days. hope i can get through the interview and get my dream job as auditor! so longing to pass my exams!
6/21/2008 08:52:00 AM
zzz
6/21/2008 08:31:00 AM
zzz
oh god i can't fall asleep! excited about today's programme, my first time celebrating advance birthday in a pub! for once in 22years i made it big, for once! the mean issue isn't about this, it's about you! miss idiot cuz i miss you! haiz too bad your heart doesn't belong to me. not much of a sad feeling nor feeling disappointed cuz i know u ain't my baby~ to summarise my dearest diary- i miss you yet i can't love me.
my philosophy of love- what you gave out doesn't mean you will get what you expected. give and take don't expect something in return.
6/15/2008 04:52:00 PM
zzz
boring reservist finally over. went Robertson Quay yesterday with Tingting James and WenCheng for beer session, the place was packed with soccer fans all over! overall nice ambience. went boat quay next drink like hell. can't even walk drunk like hell. but still can remember she pet my shoulders asking if i'm ok how nice of her.
i've been neglecting my studies again! the motivation isn't there. ROAR~ sad la
what will make us drop tears other than orions?
6/06/2008 03:35:00 PM
zzz
it's feeling so strange to wake up in the morning/noon and be glad to see another day. why not be happy and keep the endless smile running thoughout your life as pain and sorrow are the elements that keeps us alive...i wanna fly without crying.
5/19/2008 02:20:00 AM
zzz
had not been blogging for damn long! bloodly window explorer! well i found a job! congrats to me CHEERS* actually i've got not much to blog about though........boring....yawn.....
4/19/2008 07:44:00 PM
zzz
had not been blogging these daze. quite tired from night life, recently trying to tone down from drinking, hell! many things had happened! seriously sometimes i've tried not to give a damn about every single aspect of life; love; money; and health. got to end this ongoing life! had not been pubbing these few days, trying to get a part time job, save loads of cash and visit hongkong once again, this time round will be a single trip with friends...leaving for Genting and KL at end of month. get all my remodules done and leave education once and for all! seriously i tried to forget once i loved, well times i missed, times i avoid, i still longed still hope still love, like a fallen angel from the sky. life's full of ups and down, at times find to cope with it will be hard yet worth trying.
peace out.
4/01/2008 10:02:00 PM
zzz
i miss you ! ! !
3/28/2008 05:23:00 PM
zzz
the things you draw...you've brightened my day. the words you wrote...you've made me smile.
3/27/2008 03:02:00 AM
zzz
me, myself and i.....................................................................................................................
3/20/2008 05:36:00 PM
zzz
be glad to have been loved rather then not being loved at all.
3/20/2008 05:25:00 PM
zzz
we could have heen together...happily together! seconds seems like minutes. minutes seems like hours. days seems like months. months seems like years. think again i still do care, we could have been together...happily together! with love
3/17/2008 04:15:00 PM
zzz
i can't tell if i'm confused or sad. it tears me open , cause i feel so bad. it's hard to be alone and watch you fly away. it scares me and i don't know why. it hurts and it stings, it drowns me in death. i felt so left out, there is so much of you i've missed. neglected, left out, totally forgotten about, it's not what i wanted,not what i intended, but somehow it's what happened, i'm sorry to say this. i'm sorry it's true, i don't know what to think, i don't know what to do, i know that i can fix this, if you'll let me try. i feel like you're not giving anything back, while i'm giving all of me to you and you're making me cry, you're making me hurt...i'm not sure if you're true but there are problems and holes in your words and actions that i don't understand. love almost killed me and you didn’t care. i really needed you and you were never there, you could have helped if you wanted to but you turned your back. only cared about yourself and your fun. but now i’ve died, died of a broken heart. now you can sing my funeral song and be happy with your live all night long.
3/15/2008 04:46:00 PM
zzz
have i done anything wrong?
what have i done wrong?
sorry?
can't i shower enough love?
am i just another passer-by?
must i be treated like this?
alot of hidden truth?
am i not good enough?
maybe perhaps i'm a lousy lover!
3/12/2008 03:03:00 PM
zzz
staying home these 2 days is very torturing! bad dreams all the way! boring noons boring nights!
missed her! addicted to your company! you're just like my fags, i need and i'm craving every single seconds for it! fulfill my addiction! baby i love! oh man...i cannot tolerate staying at home, my mood changes drastically, suddenly hot suddenly cold! i hate it!!!!!
3/07/2008 09:58:00 AM
zzz
the melancholy truth, never will it belong to me...the inferior and paranoid mindset of mine feed the sanity in my head. it blinded me from the brighter sight of life, and love. i've never opened up to anything, so many heartaches so many dirty things... trying to read what's running through your shackled mind makes me sore, driving me insane. understanding the complicated and trying to dig out the genuine meaning that lies beneath your words drives me six feet under, it all fell apart and it always does. i need tons of happy pills!
3/06/2008 02:08:00 PM
zzz
yesterday's zouk was not fulfilling! i want phuture!
3/02/2008 09:40:00 AM
zzz
you said you love me. you said you love her. split your heart into two? you made me feel like a fool? everything you did was never about me! you told someone to give you time settle everything but i don't see something happening? you said you want to be single, scared being hurt again and again? u feel happier loving two? maybe you don't know what you want? perhaps you don't want to decide? should it be that you can't reject? just to let everyone be happy? but don't get overboard cause you'll hurt someone, sigh love is selfish. but well at least at times i can feel your sadness in your tears, your warmth in your arms, your love in your eyes. for all i've chosen the fallen one that is you! as long as the clock is ticking, i'll wait because of you...
2/28/2008 11:20:00 AM
zzz
lately alot of things/conflicts/misunderstanding happened to me and friends. it's like a plaque one after another. some things were not able to control/talk it out/stopped. i felt disappointed cuz I KNOW WHAT U "SAID" LAST "SUMMER"! laugh my ass off shit ass. i need a shopping break with mummy to get things off my head. venting solution/
2/18/2008 11:13:00 AM
zzz
i miss baby~
baby~
baby~2/18/2008 11:02:00 AM
zzz
Long Sweets
Short Sweets2/18/2008 10:54:00 AM
zzz
i want to vent! i need to rant!
2/16/2008 07:25:00 AM
zzz
not good! not very good! i don't like this feeling! fly and cry!
2/12/2008 10:55:00 PM
zzz
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
And I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me
But everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I can not cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me
But everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die(I watched you die)
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep(In your sleep)
I was so young(I was too young for you)
You should have known better than to lean on me(To lean on me)
You never thought of anyone else(You never saw me)
You just saw your pain
And I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you.
2/08/2008 08:11:00 AM
zzz
dearest nephew!
misses!2/08/2008 08:10:00 AM
zzz
2/07/2008 12:37:00 PM
zzz
Happy Chinese New Year. had a great new year eve! drank 2 barrel vodka and 1 barrel beer at dxO. then went over to He Pan for games! won a bear for Sweets=) Boat Quay again hahaha. Sweets i love you!
2/05/2008 07:34:00 AM
zzz
i'm dreading every single day to have you dropping by.
i'm dreading every single day to hear from you.
i'm dreading every single day to see you.
i'm dreading someday you could be my her.
i miss you.
2/04/2008 08:18:00 PM
zzz
2/03/2008 07:41:00 AM
zzz
i might seem alright but yet who knows how am i feeling deep inside. love is not just a one sided thing, it takes two to clap. somethings were ment to be unspoken but i know. smiles =)
2/01/2008 06:52:00 PM
zzz
she is my her !
2/01/2008 06:51:00 PM
zzz
1/31/2008 10:09:00 AM
zzz
1/31/2008 10:09:00 AM
zzz
1/30/2008 10:00:00 AM
zzz
what a long draggy day many unfavorable things happened...but having affection for her is true.
1/29/2008 05:32:00 PM
zzz
1/27/2008 05:54:00 PM
zzz
HELP ME !!!! i am BROKE !!!! got NO MONEY !!!! i want go threading !!!!
1/20/2008 03:51:00 PM
zzz
18 Jan 08, sent Amelia off, she will be studying at Swiss for 18 months. Good luck to you my friend, now Amelia and WenCheng's relationship will be put to the test. Anyway i saw Xun and Xun's aunty! Xun's with her mr Policeman boyfriend standing beside her, HEY MR POLICEMAN FARK OFF! but didn't had the chance to take to Xun and Aunty, at least me and Aunty said 'HI'. At that moment of time i was thinking like, "hey boyfriend back off don't you feel uneasy.
1/12/2008 02:29:00 PM
zzz
psychologist, psychotherapy i'll be seeing you guys for quite a long time. worst news is it might take years to be cured. told the psychologist that i've a blog and i'm ranting/venting on it, he says VERY GOOD! well mr doctor lets see if you can take my sorrows away.
1/10/2008 01:14:00 PM
zzz
Extreme ways that that help me help me out at night extreme places i had gone but never seen any light dirty basements, dirty noise dirty places coming through. extreme worlds alone. did you ever like it planned. i would stand in line for this. there's always room in life for this then it fell apart, it fell apart like it always does, always does. extreme songs that told me they helped me down every night i didn't have much to say. i didn't get above the light. i closed my eyes and closed myself and closed my world and never opened up to anything that could get me along i had to close down everything i had to close down my mind too many things to cover me too much can make me blind i've seen so much in so many places so many heartaches, so many faces so many dirty things you couldn't believe
1/04/2008 06:08:00 AM
zzz
perhaps you never understood my intention. all i wanted was love. love...what a naive concept... that's all that it is. don't lie to me and say that you like me and those feelings were for me, you know it isn't true. you said you would never break my heart, that was the first lie i fell into. i shouldn't have accepted that promise...i shouldn't have let you walk into my bubble of life now you've created a misery in my love which i seriously refuse to fall into. we once had fun we both enjoyed, we admitted it was an affair. you have your boyfriend i have my life you have your 'fling' i have my friends. i think it's time we should stop, i must stop! before i had love for you. you are young and playful you have time for your tricks and fun while i'm vice versa. now i realised we are on the different world, i'm so naive to have fell for it. i must stop before the obsession begins.
1/04/2008 05:34:00 AM
zzz
for the past few weeks i don't even know what i'm busying at! for a million times i don't know what i've been doing. the best is i flung my last test and skipped the previous one. i've gotten myself into stuff which i cannot even handle my emotions. at least i spent my NewYear with xun, since ages since i've caught up with her, she's still the same old xun i knew thats one thing i like about her, glad her bf is treating her well. everytime i know a new girl and starts to know one another better or show some interest in one another, i will always ended up having mixed feelings or can't even manage them like friends flings love or foe. it's 08 and i'm still the same. crappy shit. i hope for the rest of 08 will turn out positive for me. fingers crossed!
12/24/2007 06:19:00 AM
zzz
i miss baby! missed everypart of you! baby you're loved
12/24/2007 06:16:00 AM
zzz
i've confessed to....free from troubles=)
12/19/2007 05:27:00 AM
zzz
this few weeks have been hectic for me! i've flung my OB and i did not turn up for my last exam...been lost in alcohol these days, felt i've lost everything EVERYTHING! glad she has broke up with him, yes i don't stand a chance...visions were blur i've lost my sight. been really sick for past week coughing till my lungs turn sore. i don't know what i want now, not a date neither a fling. yes i'm not alright. i'm drunk everyday skipping meals skipping school. quarrels with my family...no happy ending to it...so hard to turn over a new leaf. hold me tight cause it could be rough.
12/15/2007 02:41:00 AM
zzz
dating her yet she has a bf, that sucks! getting complicated~
12/10/2007 03:44:00 AM
zzz
met this girl at the pub, young pretty dresses well short hair, NICE girl! exchanged numbers and maybe miracle will be on our side...=D Gosh i've business law exam at 10am! have not even started studying! so dead soooo lazy! what a failure
12/07/2007 02:56:00 AM
zzz
I WAS BITTEN ! SHE's SO SICK!
12/07/2007 02:52:00 AM
zzz
wanted a tattoo today but find then cash will be very tight after tattoo so...(shake head*) maybe some other day...ended up in JB with Ryan and Mahash...want to study at City Plaza but went for movie shopping seafood and Calsberg! what a nice day.
12/05/2007 05:29:00 AM
zzz
butterflies once again in my stomach whenever i just think of you. whenever i remember your eyes, the touch of your little hands on my head. i felt that there wasn't a need to write this now, just in case i forgot every moment we've had, in case i ever do anything rash again. i hope i will never do it. i hope you will never have to read this, but i have the urge type this now. i miss you now. what’s worse is that i remember all the bad times we’ve had, all the things you've had to put up with me, and everything we did had to be worked out, for us. my words never had seemed committed i made the wrong choice, i've walked the wrong path. yet too late to redeem and once again, everything reminds me of you. this will go off probably when i open my eyes and hear the birds sing again.
12/04/2007 09:47:00 PM
zzz
Lately i woke up not knowing what was real.
My left arm tingling couldn't feel a thing.
My dreams have been over active
Call it imagination, call it sleep..Call it fate.
I wake up speaking of names.
It's like romantic scene,
A horror movie,
Mixed with a game.
What will come next
I'll never know.
Dreaming is like floating between reality and illusion,
The truth and a lie,
Romance, horror and life.
Woken up by my dreams,
How i wished i've not woke up.
Bye my sweet dreams.
12/04/2007 03:54:00 AM
zzz
I don't know why
You want to follow me tonight
When in the rest of the world
With you whom I've crossed and I've quarreled
Let's me down so
For a thousand reasons that I know
To share forever the unrest
With all the demons I possess
Beneath the silver moon
Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
Eighth and Ocean Drive
With all the vampires and their brides
We're all bloodless and blind
And longing for a life
Beyond the silver moon
Maybe you were rightBut baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon
So far away - so outer space
I've trashed myself - I've lost my way
I've got to get to you got to get to you
Labels: Enrique Iglesias
12/02/2007 08:55:00 AM
zzz
i want to get another new tattoo on monday.
fresh ink on my skin!
i need ideas!
12/02/2007 08:54:00 AM
zzz
11/25/2007 05:37:00 AM
zzz
there are many ways to be said,
for you i catch my breathe
for you i draw the line
how long can i hold back before it's too late
clock ticking by the minute
thoughts running fast
your a radiant smile lit my life
if only you were to pause for a second,
look into my mind
you'll find your existence my sincerity.
11/24/2007 01:52:00 AM
zzz
when does it stop?
when will i know?
do you ever fit into her world?
where is she i've came to know
am i ever meant to be
can i break my silence?
you intrude my dreams
when can i have some of you?
you intrude my dreams
i seek hints of your presence
i try to reach out for you
don't leave
will you wait till sun raise.
11/23/2007 03:16:00 AM
zzz
for the 1st time in my smoking days, i place the tobacco stick between my lips and hesitate to light, here i am blasting the stereos, evaluating on my actions.
smoke lingers on my lips for a moment, it hangs like a curtain, the air is heavy, stagnant.
11/22/2007 08:12:00 PM
zzz
why i want you to know and you don't.
when i cry aloud for your attention you don't hear me?
i've cried alone and smiled with you.
the mask i'm wearing is breaking
i told myself to"HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE LONGER!"
but still it falls and the only thing left is me...
but am i ready to face you? to confess
No! i'm not ready but my time is running out
so all I can do now is look away.
11/22/2007 07:55:00 PM
zzz
kind of down these few weeks, feeling so heavy, my dreams were quite crappy, time to buy christmas presents, well got my test result for Accounting at least it's a pass. maybe it's love that brought me down, sometimes i just want to find the right person to talk to but...maybe i just lust for the feeling of love or perhaps it's a crush that will soon be over, might be i'm trying too hard to find the right companion...hate to be alone when it's so quiet out there.
11/21/2007 04:18:00 AM
zzz
11/20/2007 01:08:00 AM
zzz
Do you believe that love is destined or randomed?
Because i just had the coolest dream of her.
11/14/2007 11:21:00 PM
zzz
when you are feeling lost in the darkness call out my name i will be your sign.
when there is silence i shall whisper words of love in your ear.
when you are feeling weak i will carry you till the day i die.
if you fall i shall take your wounds as my own.
if you are in agony i will give you my heart.
if you are lost and have no way out I shall give you my wings and let you fly free.
if the journey in life is tough i will walk this road for you
because my reasons will set me free.
11/14/2007 08:07:00 PM
zzz
things to accomplish:
. fix tennis racket
. get some tan
. threading
. buy a gamer mouse
. upgrade my RAM
. get a Gucci belt
. paint room
. learn new dish
. print baby's photo
11/13/2007 06:08:00 PM
zzz
if only the world around me would be filled with some responsible people... people like her refusing to return the debts repeatedly finding excuses for herself, what kind of selfish humans are they well forget it trusting too much results in consequences that you have to bear.
actually i've not been following up in school these few weeks, its making me feeling terrible. if only i would sleep earlier everyday. had failed to do my projects with YJ felt guilty with laziness overwhelmed me. sorry dude.
oh dear what had happened to me, looking back in time seems to have wasted so much time.
11/13/2007 02:41:00 AM
zzz
it's 2 in the morning and i woke up! eyes bright open! it's a big blow to my tummy!
don't you think it's scary to be awakened by a bad dream in the middle of night.
friend's sleeping, mum's sleeping, brother's sleeping, every normal kid would be asleep by now!
why am i awake!
11/09/2007 03:16:00 AM
zzz
3.16am now and i'm still sitting right in front my compy, neck's kinda stiff, eyes kinda tired, legs felt sore after a day of prawn fishing, sore throat now after eating tons of bbq prawns, worst of all i ran out of cigs! guess i'm really tired got to turn in now..
11/06/2007 06:28:00 PM
zzz
Do you remember when we met?
Do you remember when you held me high?
i don't, but i dream that it was sweet. you were careless and clumsy, but you held me tight. you never dropped me.
Do you remember how early you could see the traits that you had passed down?
intelligence, and a quick mind, a short temper, and a judgmental personality. i could see the way you were, and i wanted that to be you.
Do you remember our trips to markets?
we'd go, whenever mum goes shopping, our own secret place, we would hunt for groceries, for one thing we had in common, we'd have another thing to share.
Do you remember feeling angry, and getting out of control?
you'd feel bad. you'd buy me something new, which i don't really need because you couldn't speak the words. i'd forgive you just the same you did, because i got you, and i understand what you'd mean.
Do you remember how i'd get sick, and you'd worry?
you'd wake up every few hours, to make sure i felt comfortable to check i'm alright.
Do you remember taking care of me,when my mom had other things to attend to?
i'd have all i needed,and most of what i wanted. my friends would all tell me i was spoiled. i knew it, and i treasured what i once had.
Do you remember waking up early every sunday?
you'd prepare breakfast made lunch cook dinner? you had wonderful culinary skills compared to mum's.
Do you remember how others used to say?
how i was like my dad? i was proud that you had spent your life looking after us, your family.
Now i've add up what i lost, and you're at the top of the list. had i always been your "daddy's little boy"? and now i mourn. i feel like you had more to teach, and we're both missing out on that. i wonder if you get it all, if you can sense how bad i feeling now. Sometimes, i simply cannot sleep. i stay up all night, to avoid sleep because i'm haunted to see what other's sons has and i don't, that is you. i just wonder if you get it all. the gravity, the weight inside. i wonder if you're feeling it too. Daddy your dear son misses you!
11/06/2007 02:27:00 AM
zzz
those feeble minds could they understand?
we shall not indulge in reminiscence.
that we share more than love.
those shackles will never hold us.
all with only thoughts of us.
together we will make the strong shudder,
make the bold quiver.
together we will shift continents,
make the oceans boil.
we shall not indulge in reminiscence.
that we share more than love.
those shackles will never hold us.
all with only thoughts of us.
together we will make the strong shudder,
make the bold quiver.
together we will shift continents,
make the oceans boil.
11/06/2007 02:24:00 AM
zzz
turning back looking at the things i've done to my past few mates some say i'm a catalyst that i speed up their life after break ups, i'm a catalyst? am i? i hope i'm not
11/03/2007 05:40:00 PM
zzz
you could have felt love with me...
you altered my love in the making
i shouldn't have wrote your name
neither will it across my mind
never will i speak of you
going to waste making love
you think you saw me?
think about it again...
you'll backoff jaw dropped
don't predict the fragile
walk away when i'm in sight
you'll scare my tamed siamese pussy
he keeps the pest away
my sweet la la love
to those who ignore me: FINE be that way!
11/02/2007 12:05:00 AM
zzz
counting down 12 days to Bangkok!
work work work! save save save! spend spend spend!
10/31/2007 04:02:00 PM
zzz
mum i will be cooking tonight...
so whats the problem with me cooking!
eat it or leave it!
CreamyPasta or Rib-EyeSteaks?
had this weird vision yesterday night!
i saw myself leaving near xun's
invited xun, her bf, her bro, her bro's gf, and parents, to my place for dinner
i saw myself as a good cook!
they love my cooking!
cooking to impress? what a laughingstock!
no actually i love to cook
just that no one help me wash plates!
so that is the reason for me wanting to cook!
wish my dad was here
10/30/2007 01:52:00 AM
zzz
so surprised to see Cherin walking into my room when i thought Jackee will be coming up by herself. she bought me my favourite handroll but still owe me 8more! surprised though...brought me a smile too=)
10/30/2007 01:28:00 AM
zzz
i see the two lovers
he starts to kiss her
i grab my scythe
i am the ripper
they look in my eyes
as i slash deeper
they're still holding hands
couldn't be sweeter
the blade reaches her heart
blood now flows thicker
they're not torn apart
not by the ripper
as they breathe for the last time
rain falls from above
blood flows like wine
i can't take their love
it's not meant to be mine.
10/28/2007 10:31:00 PM
zzz
had not been sleeping for over 24hrs! did not have sufficient sleep! NEED TO HAVE ONE! exams over finger kept crossed...now i'm surviving on few leftover fags, coke and fishman's friend! STOP BITING ME AND LEAVE THE ITCH BEHIND C'mon LET ME KILL YOU! painted my room brown and white!
10/27/2007 05:47:00 AM
zzz
looking forward to my friend's wedding later! looking forward to trip to Bangkok! what a great way to end 2007! just that i can't spend the time with the one i love, i can't get to travel with her anymore, perhaps forever. had walked through many rough terrain in 2007, i finished army, enrolled into MDIS with the help of my loved, broke up with the 2nd girl i loved in my life, celebrated my 21st birthday with no joy yet no regrets, i don't need a P-plate anymore, lost of baby my beloved baby! i missed him so much! hope i might one day see him outside my doorstep. now going Bangkok with my friends, maybe might help me release my tensions,sadness,grief and perhaps open my eyes for a wider view in life.
10/27/2007 05:41:00 AM
zzz
had been watching some Hong Kong drama series for these few days. did not want to watch till once day i felt that i had little private time with mummy so sat and watch with her, now it seems like i'm more into it then her! i'm not the typical guy that will watch some chinese drama series but it's really good! Sui Re Feng Yun is a great series! now i had finish the whole series till the final chapter! something is wrong with the disc! i can't watch the final 2hrs of the show! fuck the disc!
10/24/2007 07:44:00 PM
zzz
had been spending money like water flowing from the tap. money thrown on liquor and cigarettes is just too much. the amount i drank is just too terrible, the number of sticks i've burn is countless! now i've gotten sick of my life. the same routine everyday made my life tasteless! maybe one day a series of wonderful events will happen on me...
10/24/2007 07:41:00 PM
zzz
i knew i could never return to those days now. even if my heart was whole it would be black and painful but the pain of no heart was even stronger than the pain of one that had been tortured for so long and i only realised it as i fell into the cell joined by millions of ripped heart in the cold damn cell. i thought without a heart i couldn't feel the pain and agony but it wasnt that simple, its never that easy.
10/21/2007 09:18:00 PM
zzz
baby is gone! she gave it away without me agreeing without me saying goodbye! i miss him! i love him! i love everypart of him! the way he poo, i missed bathing him, they way he looked at me, when he sleep beside me, we enjoyed each other's company, he love playing his favourite ball game, we played catching almost everyday! i missed the way he massaged me, he love the view outside my window he would just sit there watching the cars, he will sit and stared at me as i smoke, i missed the way he wanted me to pet him, i missed him waiting for me whenever i goes toilet, i loved him! i love everypart of him! he has became part of me! he hears me speak of the sad, he will sit and listen as tears flow! he will sit behind the door awaiting for me coming home.
HAD HE EATEN? WILL HE BE MISSING ME? WILL HE SIT BY THE WINDOW WAITING FOR ME TO GET HIM?
BABY I LOVE YOU!
HAD HE EATEN? WILL HE BE MISSING ME? WILL HE SIT BY THE WINDOW WAITING FOR ME TO GET HIM?
BABY I LOVE YOU!
10/21/2007 06:02:00 AM
zzz
What meaning in life still exists,that anyone will hear? Existence always seems to have its own limits. I remember my dreams, and sometimes they drive me feel such unbelievable feelings.
Feelings that are soon crushed by the weight of stupidity and thoughts. I’ve witnessed it all turn to dust in the blink of an eye. There is so much to be achieved, and that achievement drives the purpose away, and cheapens it all with the darkness that will forever blind those who does not hold on to it dearly. Someday I hope to see, with my eyes open, the beauty behind a naked smile, the type of which I only see, when I am unconscious.
10/19/2007 05:15:00 PM
zzz
DAMNED I MISS YOU !
HEAR IT !
SEE IT !
FEEL IT !
10/17/2007 12:23:00 AM
zzz
You know sometimes i feel like i'm being avoided by people, like something (though i don't know what) is always my fault, like i'm the one who started the fights, and quite frankly i don't know why. Somedays i was in good mood, but it felt like something was missing, but not something like my exam grades, it was like a piece of me that was missing. I just don't know what part of me that was missing. Actually i have been feeling like this a lot ever since i pulled myself back together. I had been a big liar all along, i would hide things from certain friends, i would tell them it's ok everything was fine, when it really isn't, and that it's good but i really wished they knew it. i hide my feelings underneath my pillow, i kept my love from expressing itself away from the light. Behind every smiles hide a painful truth, behind every sarcasm flowing out of my mouth lies a false part of me. Their life is wonderful but not mine. Sometimes it feels like i have nothing and nothing left in me that will not be later taken by someone. For now i have decided to think of life in a new way. Only positives. Negativity is so under rated. What i meant was why waste life thinking of the sad, why waste time thinking of how the one you like feels of you, why bother pondering about where others are happy and you are not, when there is fun in out there. I guess there just isn't enough people smiling in the world.
10/16/2007 11:46:00 PM
zzz
the girl i met at BoatQuay msg me !
10/16/2007 04:50:00 AM
zzz
i lost my licence!
10/15/2007 02:47:00 AM
zzz
hand picked the shattered pieces
bleed on my way through
found a new light
walked myself through
expect a different LY
expect a new me
10/15/2007 02:34:00 AM
zzz
please be considerate and return my 100bucks to me i need it for my oversea trip! pay back soon! i don't wan to have any contacts with you anymore thanks. i want to build my Berlin wall against you!
10/14/2007 04:03:00 AM
zzz
ROAR.. 2.5hrs caught 10 big prawns in my 1st prawn fishing trip, exciting fun, but yet expensive! guess what, everytime i light a cig i caught a prawn, weird! damn i felt very guilty seeing them jumping in the bag! will be dead in a few hours in the freezer...
10/11/2007 09:54:00 PM
zzz
sometimes
someone's love is someone's pain
someone's happiness is someone's sadness
someone's tear is someone's smile
sometimes i wish i had them both.
someone's love is someone's pain
someone's happiness is someone's sadness
someone's tear is someone's smile
sometimes i wish i had them both.
10/11/2007 09:48:00 PM
zzz
you had a chance to love
you had a chance to care
you let go of love
you forgot how to care
now..
you don't know
whats missing from your life
10/11/2007 09:38:00 PM
zzz
Desperate for changing
straving for turth
i'm closer where i started
i'm chasing after you
i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i held on to
i'm standing here until make me move
i'm hanging by a movement here with you.
Day after day time pass away
and i just can't get you off my mind
nobody knows i hide it inside
i keep on searching but i just can't find
the coverage show
to letting you know
i've never felt so much love before
and once again
i'm thinking about..
taking the easiest way out.
Night after night i hear myself say
why can't this feeling just fade away
there's no one like you
you speak to my heart
it's such a shame we are world apart
i'm just too shy to ask
i'm too proud to lose.
Labels: By YJ
10/09/2007 01:25:00 AM
zzz
Every day a little more breaks and falls away. I must walk with careful footsteps, or I might trip and shatter. I try to glue the pieces back in place, but as I do more breaks away. This mask is wearing thin. I don't want others to see lies beneath it, in that filthy shrouded darkness. I am not ready to let it see the light. The light is far too painful and the darkness beneath the mask is somehow comforting. The pain isn't always stabbing, sometimes it's just a dull ache. But I have become accustomed to it, now it is a comfort. Maybe I am happy. Maybe this pain is my happiness. Maybe these tears are my way of smiling. It is so common for me to feel this. Just as it is common for others to smile and laugh. Maybe this is my joy. Then if this is my joy...what is my love? Do I dare ask that question only to find the answer is something more horrifying than I care to realize? I would rather simply hide in my darkness...my own little world. It doesn't frighten me as it used to. Now it is calming. Even when the memories approach from behind. They still cause so many tears, but that is my way of smiling. So it must be comfort i'm feeling.
10/09/2007 01:18:00 AM
zzz
hate those liars out there creating trouble! do not speak of something you cannot do! when you needed help you came crying. when you've gotten help you ran away happily you won't bother returning, isn't it ungrateful? maybe thats why everyone around you start cursing you, they hate you just that you did not know yet, you think what you are doing now is always right? bitch you're wrong! you've let the one who trusted you and believe in you down. let you burn your away in your next life.WHORE!
10/08/2007 02:20:00 AM
zzz
oh god i'm so sick! down with sorethroat, feeling feverish, cough. this shit is killing me!. at least i've something kept me looking forward, planning for a tour end of year, perhaps an escape for me, bangkok? hongkong? taiwan? man! i need to cut down on my consumtion of tobacco! chances of me being killed by a stick of 9mg Tar 0.7mg Nicotine is higher than me getting a girlfriend! cutting down may help me save some money for my trip. gosh i need a get back on the right track. thanks Janice,Amanda,Vanggie,Jacilyn,Fred,WeiYang,ATB,WenCheng,Amelia for being there, well appreciated! ehh last but not least a LJL name KhooYongJin you simply ROAR!
10/05/2007 09:59:00 PM
zzz
today wasn't right, looking at the newborn babies...reminds me of my baby. it hurts it really do.!
like a squashed cranberry, tomato ketchup splattered all over. it rips me apart. sorry baby i'm sorry. i know you can feel it inside me i know it cause i feel you crawling within me. i took your life away just like you took my soul, you can feel the emptiness within am i right. STOP IT will you. don't let daddy's mood/feelings come and go.
Labels: my baby
10/05/2007 01:52:00 AM
zzz
i need motivation both in life and my studies yet i have to fulfill my dream working in one of the top banks in town. i want a car! i want a good relationship! baby comes along with me. i need someone inspiring someone to give me a push forward towards my dream!
10/04/2007 01:28:00 AM
zzz
bitch , wanton , slut , prostitute , harlot , promiscuous , whore , strumpet , lewd , lascivious , lechery.
10/03/2007 03:25:00 AM
zzz
BURN THOSE DULL NIGHTS AWAY
9/30/2007 08:17:00 PM
zzz
9/29/2007 04:03:00 AM
zzz
the birth of my little
the death of my little
welcome to my son's funeral.
9/28/2007 02:47:00 AM
zzz
--Baby's Dinner Menu
.1 bowl Flaked Salmon & Ocean Whitefish
.1 pinch Salmon Stick
.1 cup H2O
9/26/2007 11:06:00 PM
zzz
She's a model and she's looking good.
I like to take her home thats understood.
She plays hard to get she smiles from time to time.
It only takes a camera to change her mind.
She's going out tonight drinking just champagne and she has been checking all the men.
She's playing her game and you can her them say.
She's looking good for beauty we will pay.
She's posing for consumer products now and then.
For every camera she gives the best she can.
I saw her on the cover of a magazine.
Now she's a big success,
I want to meet her again.
9/25/2007 02:01:00 AM
zzz
baby don't cry lets savor the sweet memories we 3 had together. though it's a short time we had but enough for us to consume our 3 course meal...
9/24/2007 11:53:00 PM
zzz
today is 1st out of 4 days i'll be working in starhub. i'm not as useless as you think i've got a job!
baby has start to lose his cat senses. look at baby the way he sits and watch tv with his daddy! so adorable=) hi baby i'm here!
9/24/2007 11:34:00 PM
zzz
hey girl you know little about my life
so stop spreading nonsense information about my life
you don't have to care for me anymore
who are you? like what you always said to me
now you've have a boyfriend so care for him
i'm nothing to you.!
the only one who cares is baby!
you've left us for your attention seeking life.!
you've left us to fulfill satisfy your flirtatious needs.!
you've left us for your girl lusting guys.!
you've left us for your clubbing life.!
most importantly you've left baby and me.!
so now care for your boyfriend
or
whoever you want to lead on
why must you care when you choose to leave
why say we might get a chance in the future
when you choose to find other guys.
so is it when you are sick of other guys then you'll return?
fark this whole love life of mine!
i hate my love life!
it's turning from worse to worst!
9/24/2007 02:09:00 AM
zzz
9/24/2007 01:55:00 AM
zzz
my left arm unable to raise up
both my toes are sore
my left sole hurts
gosh i'm wounded
9/22/2007 04:05:00 PM
zzz
it sank to the bottom
it shatters upon sadness
it is a victim of affection
it bleeds like no other
it is untouchable by strangers
it hangs within our rib cage
waiting to be consumed
9/21/2007 04:07:00 PM
zzz
looking back...
we used to feed baby
show him
shop for his things
clear his stuff
tug him to bed
play his favourite ball with him
bring baby out
you're known as his mum me as his dad
everything seems like yesterday
haha wondering why am i doing all these by myself now
it feels kinda low morale
baby seems guilty whenever he did something wrong
will he's his dad's good boy!
forever he is...
we used to feed baby
show him
shop for his things
clear his stuff
tug him to bed
play his favourite ball with him
bring baby out
you're known as his mum me as his dad
everything seems like yesterday
haha wondering why am i doing all these by myself now
it feels kinda low morale
baby seems guilty whenever he did something wrong
will he's his dad's good boy!
forever he is...
9/20/2007 10:42:00 PM
zzz
here i am walking alone in this lonely road
is there no one who can paint the smile on my face
tired of this shitty life tired of this endless journey
sick of the search sick of everything
empty my skill so i can't ponder
tear of my skin so i can't feel sharpness of the blade
pull out my nerves so i can't feel the pain
rib out my ribcage so i can free myself
grab my heart so i can feel your love
is there no one who can paint the smile on my face
tired of this shitty life tired of this endless journey
sick of the search sick of everything
empty my skill so i can't ponder
tear of my skin so i can't feel sharpness of the blade
pull out my nerves so i can't feel the pain
rib out my ribcage so i can free myself
grab my heart so i can feel your love
9/20/2007 02:03:00 PM
zzz
i've baby for me to look forward each day
where is the she to bring my smile
anyone anyone will do
be there for me
and i'll be there for you
allow me to cheer you up
bring the bright side of life to me each day
with a smile that back-ens i'll sign off
9/20/2007 02:02:00 PM
zzz
i'm down with my soul
depressed might seem the word
but i'm fine thankyou
9/20/2007 02:01:00 PM
zzz
letting go seems hard but i have to give it a try
i hate you
for the things you've done
9/19/2007 02:02:00 PM
zzz
nothing is right nothing is alright nothing is right
wrong to right right from wrong
nothing can go on steer me from left to right
teach me how to fight
teach me how to strive
teach me how to fight
empty the sins answer my confession
i'm at your feet
answer my call
give me the strength to carry on
wake me up from the darkest dreams
9/19/2007 12:56:00 AM
zzz
wondering what had i done wrong this time. everyone seems to be avoiding me. am i the cause of these shit thrown at me. talk to me they way we did in the past. treat me the way you did. not whats going on now. chase away the dreadful curse the unforgiven sin upon me. slit my tongue so i can't speak. cripple my lips so you could care for me. break my soul so u are appreciated. wash my brain so i can know the new you. i have did everything i could to save this friendship. speak to me talk to me. i'm sorry
9/17/2007 09:59:00 PM
zzz
just to remind myself that even though loving may cause me so much fucking pain and so much misery, a tortured heart is better than none and so is death. please takecare of my heart so that it's protected from others and all that may hurt to the point that it's as fragile as a twig, the only person who can truly break it is you.
9/17/2007 12:37:00 AM
zzz
The drugs they say make us feel so hollow
We love in vain narcissistic and so shallow
The cops and queers to swim you have to swallow
Hate today, no love for tomorrow
We're all stars now in the dope show
There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones
That want to get you high
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and blow your mind
We're all stars now in the dope show
They love you when you're on all the covers
When you're not then they love another
The drugs they say are made in California
We love your face
We'd really like to sell you
The cops and queers make good-looking models
I hate today
Who will I wake up with tomorrow?
We're all stars now in the dope show
Labels: Marilyn Manson
9/17/2007 12:07:00 AM
zzz
i knew i could never return to those days now. even if my heart was whole it would be black and painful but the pain of no heart was even stronger than the pain of one that i had been torturing myself for so long and i only realised it as i fallen into the trap joined by millions of shattered heart caught in the blizzard. what a wrong move i've made. i thought without a heart i couldn't feel the pain and agony but it wasn't that simple, its never that easy.
9/16/2007 04:53:00 PM
zzz
she broke her own fucking heart. she ripped it into pieces and threw it in a sink where it sunk straight to the bottom, never to be found by me again and as she stared at the hole where she had ripped it from her chest she screamed and cryed full of regret for what she'd done but so damn happy it was over. no more heart. no more fucking love. it was all over.
9/15/2007 04:53:00 PM
zzz
the night filled with strangeness as it devour away the endless time, the sun awaits it's rising moments filling the spirits with youthfulness if only wonderful moments could bring us a inch closer each day.
9/14/2007 10:05:00 PM
zzz
had baby bathed today smells good now...wandering whats happened to baby, did not ate much today, did not really drink, he kept sleeping! is he sick?
9/14/2007 12:19:00 AM
zzz
i thought you could brighten my day once again but you did not. you've added more needles to my heart, you've slashed opened my wound, you've once again torn my skin, you've break me down into pieces. you've eaten me alive. now i'm gone you're happy!
9/14/2007 12:09:00 AM
zzz
HELP ME PUT THE PIECES OF MY LIFE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN. GUIDE ME TO THE RIGHT PATH9/14/2007 12:00:00 AM
zzz
is it your bias-ness or is it your attitude or is it me myself to blame
9/13/2007 11:47:00 PM
zzz
it has always been so unfair. whenever u repeated a question i will be shouted at. if it was your friends you won't do that. it has always been me my fault to embarrass you in our conversations. yes i'm crazy i'm retard unable to be compared to your guys. irritating full of shit crazy insane call me all these names!
what different does it make when it does not matter to me anymore.
9/13/2007 11:45:00 PM
zzz
Am I Okay?I am fearing...It is my cries of terror you are hearing...This pain....this anger....Burning red, flowing from an open vein....the screams....the tears....I’m falling....falling into my fears...Anger burning in me....an untame one...I have always been a wild spirit....always untame...So many emotions....all in one feeling...Slashing into me.....wounds beyond healing...It all falls back into one thought....One question I have always fought.......am I really okay?No....I cannot say.........that I’m okay
9/10/2007 09:19:00 PM
zzz
you don't care, everything i've said, everything i've promised. my perseverance has not won you over, you don't care, what even if i've changed. you've forgotten me, you've placed our feelings all in a box, you've promised never to open it again. every actions, every word, every breath you've had our feelings forgotten, gone like a wind, your heart like a stone, to see you not returning, not to feel...you moved forward sworn not to turn back, you're in love, your heart is free, without me, not belonging to me anymore, your heart ran so far i just couldn't catch hold of it, soon you'll be belonging to someone whom you've chosen, but yet not me, it's so late at night the doors not locked, your belongings in my room, our memories nailed to heart, your actions printed on my mind, your image tattooed in my skin. hoping you could come back home never had seemed real at all, it'll never come ture. good karma will never existed.
9/10/2007 09:12:00 PM
zzz
every night when i try to fall asleep you're the only one i think about. i miss seeing you but you left my heart and now i just want to cry and hate you but how can i cry when there's no tears left. and how can i hate you when in my heart i'm still loving you
9/09/2007 05:14:00 AM
zzz
If i could...
I'll break your wings,
So you'll stay close to me,
I'll break your spirit,
So you never leave me,
I'll break you heart,
So you'll only think of me,
I'll break you,
So you'll only want me.
9/08/2007 05:12:00 AM
zzz
have you ever had those times, when you just have to cry? if you don't, then surely you'll go insane? have you once had a time, just stare at the sky? to just lie down and listen and let life passes by. have you sang by the window, in the moonlight and rain? have you ever continue your melody even after the moon waned, the sun rise? because right now i feel like hiding from emotions that kills. right now i am here watching the clouds, the clouds were made by a hand of great skills. teach me how to make my life right, the way it should be. right now the tunes starts to fill my mind, in the moonlight and chilling breeze, enjoying this love, which is causing me pain.
9/08/2007 02:14:00 AM
zzz
When i'm with you i feel invincible, protected by your smell, when I think of not being the one who kisses you, I think of a living hell. For as long as I can remember, i've always been afraid, but once i've held you in my sleep, the dreams go on for days. Baby i've looked at our reflection, I cant believe what I saw. Baby you're so truly beautiful used to be always standing there with me. I gazed into your eyes as you looked into mine i found purity in its finest form, i've lost my grasp of time. I have a regret...to leave you walking alone. When we were one the moments are the most amazing that where it all locked up in my mind and where I document our lives. Eternity is not forever, but i'll wait forever more, because im no longer just waiting for that thing worth waiting for, i'm waiting for the thing i loved
9/07/2007 02:12:00 AM
zzz
i've brought myself to the state where i just can't remember who i am now, pehaps disgusted others might seems pehaps this is insane stop wasting time others might say. ignorance is what i am now, no one for sure know what i'm thinking. STOP SHUTTING AT ME, STOP HUNTING ME, WAKE ME UP FROM THE DREAMS. sanity has yet to be stopped.
9/07/2007 01:57:00 AM
zzz
my subconscious mind isn't aware of the spoke truth, blinded my the state of unwillingness to give up what has past, inflicting pain to myself living in my own world of torments. sometimes believing in oneself isn't the right thing. in the state of what i'm in now it's so complicated, so confusing that i could not tell whats right from wrong. sinking deeper unable to hold on together means more pain, minutes past hours past days past every frag i burnt every moment of heartache, just could not turn back time. some say perhaps in the future fate will bring everything together well how can i agree on that, it draws me away from you each passing second. if only i could just pray hard and wait as time flies or if only i could just waste my time trying harder each time when chances arrived. some say we're not meant to be some say maybe it's the past that you've done well how can i undo every rotten memories that overwhelmed the sweet chocolates i've given.
9/07/2007 01:56:00 AM
zzz
if only i could let go of you. if only i am the one u date. if only i could turn back time
9/07/2007 12:36:00 AM
zzz
come to think of it, you're irrespondsible!
i shake my head whenever i see baby.
well doesn't matter anymore
you've been erased from our memories
9/07/2007 12:33:00 AM
zzz
i love my baby! he's grow so big so fat! i like!
so cute. baby~
so busy these few days kept forgetting to feed him on time feel so bad!
well at least i'm here baby~
9/06/2007 08:59:00 PM
zzz
did i msg xun last night yes i did.why? i'm not sure too was talking to kC abt it he said do what you want to do, was drinking at kC house after dbo. had to look after a drunk girl and man she's heavy!
9/06/2007 08:45:00 PM
zzz
Happy Birthday Mummy !
9/05/2007 07:44:00 AM
zzz
goodmorning to me
9/05/2007 06:20:00 AM
zzz
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Labels: Marilyn Manson
9/04/2007 01:48:00 AM
zzz
i need fags so so damn bad!
it's changing my mood drastically
oh fags where are you,
i need you so bad!
9/04/2007 12:25:00 AM
zzz
seduction shows up. desires plays tricks. lust upon skin. we danced. our eyes closed. our souls taken away breathlessly like a memory we never had before...
9/03/2007 02:49:00 PM
zzz
Putting Holes in Happiness
We'll paint the future black
If it needs any color
My death sentence is a story
who'll be digging when you finally Let me die?
The Romance of our assassination
If you're Bonnie, I'll be your Clyde
But the grass is greener here and
I can see all of your snakes
You wear your ruins well
please run away with me to Hell
Blow out the Candles
on all my Frankensteins
At least my death wish will come true
You taste like Valentine's and we cry,
you're like a Birthday
I should have picked the photograph
It lasted longer than you
Labels: Marilyn Manson
9/02/2007 08:59:00 PM
zzz
it's amazing.
how people think that i'm doing alright
it's amazing.
how love can find it's way
it's amazing.
how sensitive humans were
it's amazing.
how human beings get hurt easily
it's amazing.
how human beings get over easily
it's amazing.
how human beings get emotionally distorted
it's amazing.
how human beings shed tears
it's amazing.
how i tear my skin and doesn't bleed
it's amazing.
how i get paranoid
it's amazing.
how i cut my veins and it bleed
9/02/2007 08:47:00 PM
zzz
for all u know bitch i might send you
you might receive hate mails !
9/01/2007 01:08:00 PM
zzz
no more a fallen angel
9/01/2007 01:07:00 PM
zzz
i've got baby by myself
he has only a dad with him
baby love love baby
9/01/2007 01:03:00 PM
zzz
blame me if you want
i'm stating facts
i'm not more than a liar
no more a swollen heart
there's a smile
there's a reason
sanity's gone
9/01/2007 12:54:00 PM
zzz
OK now i'm over with you!
my heart ain't heavy anymore!
moving towards the happy side of me
at least i've got 101 reasons to move forward
go ahead and ruin yourself with guys
bleh bleh bleh
well after all the stupid prank
the "flawless lies"
the scene u ran away with him upon seeing me
well i don't deserve this treatment
maybe i do but i seriously don't think so
oh let me cut my heart out to see if it's bleeding
oh man you must me disappointed!
it's not bleeding
you're erased permanently!
9/01/2007 12:44:00 PM
zzz
just got home from Charmaine's 21st , everyone was dead tired, stayed over till morning, got to see Xun, she's still as lovely as usually. took care of maine, her bro, and her bro's fren and xun with the help of her sis all drunk as usual. fun looking after them, got to see their foolish acts at least some laughter. now then i realise when xun's slping her face look so cute. memories brought me some smile. no worries i'm alright here got over with the previous! at least xun doesn't change still the same old her who treats me with respect unlike someone else! guess what xun knows what i'm thinking. well fullstop for the girls. i've had great fun!
HAPPY ADVANCE 21st BIRTHDAY MAINE ! you're my best girl friend ever !
9/01/2007 12:43:00 PM
zzz
i'm blood thirsting !
8/31/2007 06:38:00 AM
zzz
"i'll cut off your tongue just so that you can never tell me what to do.
i'll drain your blood to cleanse your dirty little lies."
8/31/2007 06:36:00 AM
zzz
i've had enough frustration
i won't wanna get stuck
goodbye to this dead end situation
is just not worth my time
but waiting is just so frustrating
i'm so sick of all the tension
not to mention i'm so sick of
so sick of you!
8/31/2007 06:34:00 AM
zzz
i really don't want to learn about the person i am.
8/30/2007 04:56:00 AM
zzz
i just want a girl who likes me and dotes on me. Who calls me who ask me out and gives me attention. That would be so nice.
8/29/2007 02:17:00 PM
zzz
Are you lost in your lies?
Do you tell yourself I don't realize
Your crusade's a disguise?
Replace freedom with fear
You trade money for lives
I'm aware of what you've done
No more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
I see pain
I see need
I see liars and thieves abuse power with greed
I had hopeI believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived
You will pay for what you've done
Thieves and hypocrites!
Your time has come to be replaced
Your time has come to be erased
Labels: linkin park
8/29/2007 04:28:00 AM
zzz
you got somethin to say. don't wanna hear it if it's gonna gets in my way. all this confusion overwhelmed. all this illiusion seems so clear. i know the conclusion a disappointing evolution. all things arent what they appear. why do i keep running backwards. it's tiring!
8/29/2007 04:20:00 AM
zzz
i'm diving headfirst into love and dismay, its like beating the dead, i can't stop it getting into my head. whatever this could be i'll never know i never said it would be the end to all. i hate you yesterday i hate you today. i can't find a way out. i'm dragging myself down, yes i'm struggling so hard, hard work don't seems to pay off. buying a ticket to happy daze. where else can i myself smiling.
8/29/2007 03:56:00 AM
zzz
not a bad day for me. went out with weiyang fred yongcai. had steamboat at marinabay with sunniie under the 'moon' 'light' was fun. the steamboat auntie and uncle was weird hahahaonly 2 of us having steamboat lol the place was ours. well took a cab from her place, the cabby uncle was weird long story.
8/28/2007 05:54:00 AM
zzz
i feel so bleh right now so bland I just feel so...I dont know. I hope my life starts taking a turn for the better, it has been really shitty for the past few months.
8/28/2007 05:48:00 AM
zzz
oh man! i'm torturing myself for goodness sake...it's been a long day for me and more yet to come. i need to redeem myself.
thx Sunniie for your listening ear, i need that, thx for being there.
8/27/2007 02:29:00 AM
zzz
you've made me gonna crazy
is it me or you
8/27/2007 02:24:00 AM
zzz
i don't want to know the melancholy truth behind all these shadows.
this is madness,
shattered by your actions/lies
this is madness,
shattered by your actions/lies
8/27/2007 02:23:00 AM
zzz
it's silly how i'm now.how i never knew who i was no stupid IQ test will tell me
8/25/2007 08:49:00 PM
zzz
you've turn my world in horror
no longer have faith in myself
you've stab me right in my heart
you made me bleed
like a fallen leaf
8/25/2007 08:39:00 PM
zzz
THANKS TO YOU E***
ARE YOU HAPPIER NOW ?
DO YOU CARE? NO YOU DON'T!
FUCKING AROUND WITH GUYS IS YOUR PRIORITY AM I RIGHT!
WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH
WHY DO YOU CARE OFR YOURSELF
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS
YOU'VE CHANGED MY VISION TOWARDS LIFE
LET ME THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!
YOU'LL BE SMILING WHEN YOU SEE THIS.
8/25/2007 08:35:00 PM
zzz
do you hear my heart crying?
do you see the tears rolling down the cheek?
what have i done to deserve this?
i'm having a phobia of you
paranoid as it seems
you've made me loss my pride in life
you've blurred my vision to see on the happy side
your intentions isn't want me to land on my knees
now you've achieved it
you've made me lost my faith in myself
8/25/2007 08:27:00 PM
zzz
what beautiful lies!
what a well planned punk!
by saying sorry will help ?
you've left a deep scar which is deeper than before,
you think it's fun?
well thanks for the phobia
thanks to you i'm feeling paranoid than before,
don't you have a conscious ?
don't you have a heart ?
you won't know how it feel.
don't you want to see my bleeding heart
isn't that your cruel intentions ?
do you feel happier ?
to make me feel paranoid isn't your intentions ?
why does my heart feel so bad
8/25/2007 05:05:00 AM
zzz
don't you feel a thing doing all these meaningless things
doing these things makes you smile ?
making others who believe in you hurt seems right.
i have no longer the strength to voice out
8/25/2007 05:04:00 AM
zzz
i'm speechless, i'm disappointed
hurtful lies, stupid pranks.
8/24/2007 03:05:00 PM
zzz
I made this out of love.
Not because I wanted to,
but because I had to.
No one will know all of the reasons for this,
or how it feels as it did when I stood alone in the dark.
For that's what it was.
That's the nature of loving.
It's beyond me to fully understand its process.
It was a request when I had no longer a voice to ask anymore.
This was for her.
8/23/2007 01:13:00 AM
zzz
this is a story of a young man's anguish, anger, conflicts, torments and agony. unable to wake up from the painful trials of his life/love he seeks for redemption and a single chance that she refuses. it is his determined mind and subconsciousness that shuts him from the melancholy truth. perhaps karma is the key behind his tormented soul. hide him away from reality stop the ticking clock, bring him back in time where happiness and love once was. it's been so long since the last time he smiled. the romance story with a sad ending.
Labels: romeo n juliet
8/21/2007 01:35:00 AM
zzz
This is a strange moment, you stood above me like a familiar promise. I would spend the years waiting. Searching to find it again. Yet another hope another shadow, all blending again in faint memory lies beyond false hopes
8/20/2007 01:12:00 AM
zzz
Heal me deep within,
the fresh wounds bleeding,
the scar tearing apart,
anesthetic in need,
light the candles chase the darkness away,
lead me to my comfort zone,
goodnight my love
8/20/2007 12:43:00 AM
zzz
it is here where the running ceases.the helplessness of situations.the little annoyances in real life bothers me.tomorrow maybe...tomorrow might be different,today is long however...well tell me when you're done and come home...the doors are unlocked,my arms wide open,let me hold your hand once again and lead you to a new kind of love
8/20/2007 12:33:00 AM
zzz
went for dinner with mum bro and his gf, 4 of us dining at HougangMall, feeling weird. it's like missing out someone! seeing my bro and his gf reminds me of us...the person missing out is her, we used to dine every sun nite together with my family, thats my comfort zone, now she's gone i can only imagine she's beside me her every single actions are stored in my mind, missed her every actions every words, if only she's here we could be a happy family.
8/19/2007 03:51:00 PM
zzz
i don't really know what i really want now. i'm lost in a maze, i need to hide in my comfort zone. the pain has managed to trap itself inside me. i need a cure i need break. i want to be happy. smile LY smile!
8/19/2007 03:50:00 PM
zzz
i've needed someone to talk to for quite a while now,except that i really don't know what to say,and even if i did,where do i begin.
8/17/2007 04:38:00 PM
zzz
Somewhere in time I know,Darling you'll come back to me.Roses will bloom again,But Spring feels like eternity.In your kiss it wasn't goodbye.You are still the reason why.
I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room,My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly."Love me now forever,"Were the last words you said to me.
And when the morning comes,My hands still reach out for you.Some things remain the same,There is nothing I can do.I can barely get through the dayEver since you went away.
Labels: sarahbrightman
8/17/2007 04:23:00 AM
zzz
i don't know what enough is.
i don't know how to stop.
don't tell me, i don't want to know.
if feels horrible when i get too little of you.
irritating/obsession, other might say.
i'm walking my road my journey alone.
don't judge my actions don't comment.
i do what i want.
i follow the faint voice inside my heart.
awaiting....
only her can fill my heart.
i don't know how to stop.
don't tell me, i don't want to know.
if feels horrible when i get too little of you.
irritating/obsession, other might say.
i'm walking my road my journey alone.
don't judge my actions don't comment.
i do what i want.
i follow the faint voice inside my heart.
awaiting....
only her can fill my heart.
8/16/2007 02:03:00 AM
zzz
now i really want to say something! but seems like all the things that i wanted to say i've said before though we had a past and it's over the evolution awaits me the end may start ....hold still i know the wait is long it's without a promise
8/16/2007 02:03:00 AM
zzz
i don't understand and i just don't, i'm not appreciated, i'm the weak rather than the strong, i'm simply just too emotional compared to the cold hearted, i'm lousy, i'm not the first i'm the last always left behind, i'm simply just not good enough no matter how hard i tried i'm still not good enough.
8/15/2007 10:00:00 PM
zzz
Baby there's a gap in between,
there's a gap where we meet,
where i end and you begin.
i can watch but not take part,
it is where i end and where you start,
where i'm alone and you're not
where my prayers not answered
pardon my vicious whispers
8/14/2007 03:01:00 AM
zzz
It's my fault.I let the door open.I knew better.Too late now...and I will not,can not let you leave .
8/14/2007 12:05:00 AM
zzz
too many miles in the wrong way
lost in the crowd
my message seems miles away
the angel of hope lost it's wings to love
the sun is turning on me
the pain and agony strikes again
her feelings were uncertain
the distant memorises stayed reflecting upon me
she's the innocent beauty that broke my silence
chances seems so dim against all odds
nevertheless i shell follow as my heart beats
8/13/2007 04:41:00 AM
zzz
There's a gap in between,
there's a gap where we meet,
where I end and you begin.
I can watch but not take part,
it is where I end and where you start,
where i'm alone and you're not
where my prayers not answered
pardon my vicious whispers that irritates the you
there's a gap where we meet,
where I end and you begin.
I can watch but not take part,
it is where I end and where you start,
where i'm alone and you're not
where my prayers not answered
pardon my vicious whispers that irritates the you
8/13/2007 02:07:00 AM
zzz
i don't like whats going on now
do you feel the emptiness inside me
feel it, can you?feel it damn it. FEEL IT!do you feel that?
huh. DO YOU?don't you feel it.
i can't believe that this going on
tell me you're doing something going to help
tell me you're thinking a little of me
SOMETHING! that little thought will do!
do you feel the emptiness inside me
feel it, can you?feel it damn it. FEEL IT!do you feel that?
huh. DO YOU?don't you feel it.
i can't believe that this going on
tell me you're doing something going to help
tell me you're thinking a little of me
SOMETHING! that little thought will do!
will love lies in the hands of the beholder.
this is too much for me to handle.
8/12/2007 03:09:00 AM
zzz
it is here where the smile ceases' to stop
the happy moments washed aside
while the helplessness of situations arise
the little sadness in real life don't seem to bother anyone
but the figment of the irritation is
though an awaiting love is unpredictable
maybe the sun will one day rise in the west
8/12/2007 03:03:00 AM
zzz
went alexandra hospital for her bought some cheerful chocolates for sick lady, lucky she did not get warded, stayed over at her house to look after her, got knocked out by 3.30am ytd too tired to stay awake. have to remind that forgetful girl to drip 1 and 2 hahaha, happy to look after her seeing her falling asleep looks so cute, waking her up like baby..i love..perhaps ytd was the happiest day in 5 months...hope everyday would be the same=)
8/10/2007 08:48:00 PM
zzz
she was ill today. went to meet her for doc at Dover skipped my noon class. learned about the truth, she likes that guy she thrown herself to him. i feel so messed up. this is so unfair, i cared for her yet she dun seems to care. she got admitted into Alexandra Hospital, her eye is not doing well. worried for her, if only i had money to let her stay warded. so worried
8/10/2007 03:20:00 AM
zzz
it's 0330hrs now
330mins to class starts
730mins to class ends
the clock's ticking
precious time lost
hopes fading away
number of minutes spent with her lost
i want to buy time
time that i need !
330mins to class starts
730mins to class ends
the clock's ticking
precious time lost
hopes fading away
number of minutes spent with her lost
i want to buy time
time that i need !
8/10/2007 01:41:00 AM
zzz
i really don't want to learn about the person you are now.
or dig into who you love
i don't want to know the melancholy truth behind the darkest nights.
i just want to hang on waiting for the moment.
DON'T ask me why i'm doing this.
i don't know either.
inspired by love novels; happy couples
maybe the subconscious mind is keeping me moving.
8/10/2007 01:27:00 AM
zzz
i still can remember how 1st we met.
met her outside dbO
she was at the back sit of the car
she climbed over to say hi.
went to some ktv at chinatown
we did not know how to sing
stared at each other did not talk much
receive a msg from an unknow number
was her
asked her out
she bought calfornia handrolls for me
watched movie
did not know where to go
we waited at bus-stop for her friend
went to MachpersonKopiTiam for supper.
on ChristmasEve she bought dorry fish after her work at Grapevine
she came all the way to my house for me so sweet.
it's my blessing to know her
my fault for not treasuring her
was not there for her when she needed
i swear i will never let her down anymore
she's the one i will want to spend my life with
she's my little princess that never grows up
too late too little things could be done
inspired by my new leaf
i'll hang on tight
i'll wait
8/10/2007 01:21:00 AM
zzz
i need some psycho therapy!
8/10/2007 01:12:00 AM
zzz
did not manage to rant my heart out, went out instead of hiding behind the four walls,
had pizza at Lucky, chilled at Swensen. No doubt thats still some broken pieces deep within.
Assumed she like guy name Nicoles, went zouk with him all the time till late night, spent lots of time with him, close together, smiles upon reading his msg, had close photo taking. He's all over
her.
8/09/2007 06:41:00 PM
zzz
i'm getting emotional now
not now it's everyday
maybe it's the solemnity of how sad life can get
doing something that wouldn't be appreciated isn't my cup of tea
thanks for ignoring me
it isn't going to help
it isn't supposed to happen
when will this end...
not now it's everyday
maybe it's the solemnity of how sad life can get
doing something that wouldn't be appreciated isn't my cup of tea
thanks for ignoring me
it isn't going to help
it isn't supposed to happen
when will this end...
8/09/2007 06:34:00 PM
zzz
maybe it's just me
i want to let go.
NO.
i don't want to let go
it REALLY is just me
like how it's just me when i get really edgy waiting for people
like how it's just me when i can't take criticism and how i get obsessively jealous and unreasonable when other people are better than i am.
like how it's just me when i just can't let go.
8/08/2007 07:53:00 PM
zzz
i'm dreading every single day to have you dropping byi'm dreading every single day to hear from youi'm dreading every single day to have that slightest chancedreading every single day for your return
8/08/2007 01:29:00 AM
zzz
i smell something very strong coming from nowhere, smells like Lancome's Miracle. Obviously it did not come from my hse cause mum don't use that, try smelling out of window well no way its coming from outside cause i don't smell any! Smells like coming from where i'm sitting and typing this blog! woke my brother up to verify, he agrees and he left. creepy! but seriously it smells good...actually had this experienced a couple years back when i was staying in yck, it was way past midnight i got out of bed and ran out of hse to take a stroll, then suddenly i smelled some perfume coming out of now where it was so strong as if someone walked pass me. i turned around and she turned too, she was about 15 cars away, we stared one another for quite away until when i began to blink, that lady in black dress started hoping sideways from cars to cars. her speed was no human and the distance a girl would not achieve. goosebumps! Man i can't sleep!
8/08/2007 01:11:00 AM
zzz
my life's revolved around emotions experienced when not in a state of well-being.
love has many stages first it blooms and refines,
when impurities starts it's invasion,
i don't want to know whats going on next.
8/07/2007 10:22:00 PM
zzz
my dreams are almost beautiful
perfect colors perfect moments.
like roses coated with raindrops before dawn
or twin twisters dancing like lustful lovers in the privacy of lush greens field
it all came to a stop.
roses withered petals to dust
twisters vanished like the windfrom lustful lovers to hurtful and teary individual
8/07/2007 09:39:00 PM
zzz
starving makes you forgetful
can't remember the damn word "to regret the absence or loss"
intense desire and deep affection inflict pain;hurt
it makes me too tired too painful to think about.
girl i love you
8/07/2007 09:36:00 PM
zzz
Sun was great,
Sand was great,
Sea was great,
Sentosa was great fun !
Got my tan...at least the breeze and the scenery brought me a smile.
8/07/2007 08:13:00 AM
zzz
i really don't want to learn about the person you are.i don't want to know the melancholy truth behind all these shadows.i just want to wait.Don't ask me why i'm doing this.i don't know either.cause the subconscious mind is moving me.
8/06/2007 06:23:00 PM
zzz
the sanity is building up it's momentum.
shut up
stop it
its driving me nuts.
8/06/2007 06:13:00 PM
zzz
damn the shuttle bus to mrt, waited for like 10-20minutes did not turn up thus ended walking to station instead, oh ya check out the new girl in class 'Banana' me and YJ's call sign. went for a neat haircut at Secrets intro by YJ, laugh my ass off wasn't that secret after all. no comments about my hair but was short! like the neat cool cut. had lunch at HuiZhen's work place but she wasn't there. guess what for the 1st time after 1yr plus i went swimming at Regentville, my god no sun, security was mean! but while swimming session with YJ in the house was great! maybe we shell go Sentosa after sch tml!
8/06/2007 03:10:00 AM
zzz
it's here again
i missed her
8/06/2007 02:57:00 AM
zzz
it's affection? it's love?
or
it's sanity? it's sadness?
8/06/2007 12:28:00 AM
zzz
she's done it again
locked me in the cold room
i'm on cold turkey
would you lend me a blanket
would you share my emotions?
would you lend me a blanket
would you share my emotions?
8/06/2007 12:19:00 AM
zzz
i'm at the edge
i'm breaking down
the LOW times just kept coming
take me home
8/06/2007 12:10:00 AM
zzz
the sanity is killing me!
8/06/2007 12:00:00 AM
zzz
If only we were a movie
You'd be the right girl
And I'd be the best friend
We'll fall in love once again
In the end we'd be smiling
Watching the sunset
Play the happy song.
If only.
8/05/2007 10:39:00 PM
zzz
is he supposed to leave the girl alone?
he can't help...
8/05/2007 10:22:00 PM
zzz
what went wrong
what he did
"you're not welcomed in my life
extreme comments were used
don't bother to contact me
i don't give a damn"
that left a deep impact
he's really tired
he's trying hard
tell him what else can he do
he fell and he stood up again and again
wounds not recovered and he fell again
again and again
now he just couldn't stand up again
8/05/2007 10:07:00 PM
zzz
you're persistence with what you want
i'm persistence with what i want
it clashes.
no way seems the right way to sort feelings out
wine; beer; liquor
sharing feelings; consoling; hanging out
all these doesn't help at all
asking someone to get over is easy
but doing so is just so impossible
8/05/2007 03:10:00 AM
zzz
expected the worst
expected what she told me
but did not expect what they told me earlier on
does not mean i can like it
does not mean i can take it
does not mean i must accept it
does not mean i am not good enough for her
remember this,
everyone do change for the better!
no matter what she say
no matter what they say
i still have hope that something will happen
or
i still hope that something might happen
by the way it doesn't matter now
BECAUSE
i am down right now.
8/05/2007 03:00:00 AM
zzz
i am seriously speechless now
my thoughts are empty
sorrow depressed sadness are the words to describe
hopeless alone helpless pity me as i am now
hated isolated by the loved
how long more do i have to go through this
seconds seems like minutes
minutes seems like months
months seems like years
years seems like decades
going through the torments of life
who is willing to walk with me
i am lost
neither am i a good guy nor a bad guy
neither am i an ideal bf nor a perfect bf
who i am
please love walk me through my life
8/05/2007 02:37:00 AM
zzz
i love you
so much it has affected my life
the moments spent in the past were cherished in my heart
had not been a good bf
thats is why we ended up like this
no matter how hard i try
you won't come back anymore
if only i can turn back time
8/04/2007 06:30:00 PM
zzz
she hates me, i'm the last person in this world she will notice, now it seems like every journal i wrote will be all about her, i'm a log headed with a extreme sensitive mind and goes haywire when things goes wrong. i love my babies to the verge of doing anything to get them back. so near seems so far. i mean she is there, i'm here if she goes off and get some other guy and does stuff in between the time or she stuff get complicated i'm here and the time i go back there then well that's my answer to all my doings. she hates me though while she does anyway. i'm so used to the hash comments thrown to me. i do love her you know so god damn much, during the process i've learn to be nice hoping things could change a little or bit by bit. so what i'm gonna do is still talk to her, probably not as much as i used to hope or try to, and be there for her maybe one day she'll accept my existence, or pretty much she'll pity. maybe waiting seems to be wasting my time but by understanding that you'll lose some you'll gain some, not now but maybe in the future. seems naive but well isn't it worth it for the her. but the conclusion finding herself and being single thing was bullshit because there's always some guy who wants her not more than i do or she loves to have fun with and then they would be together. she has been seeing them more than me and i'm always the last she would hang out where else club is more important. she can do whatever she wants she says but i'm just not up to what she says, i will always hope it might have something to do with me but well then if it doesn't then i'm just a sitting duck. i'm sure we will start losing touch and all that shit that happens. it will always be a cycle, and it will really make me sad you will understand the meaning of extreme when you're in that shoe, but you know it probably won't bother her as much as it does me. i don't need her to have feelings towards me as strongly as i have towards her cause i love her. sigh*
8/04/2007 06:27:00 PM
zzz
if only i have big bucks,
if only i stay in a big crypt,
if only i have dogs,
if only i have a car,
if only i am a sweet talker,
then the chances will not be slim.
8/04/2007 03:02:00 PM
zzz
I AM MENTALLY FUCKED. FUCKED I AM FUCKING MESSING UP WITH MY HEAD! THIS IS BULLSHIT. IT SHOWS HOW MUCH U REALLY CARED.
8/04/2007 02:55:00 PM
zzz
I REALLY NEED TO RANT!
8/04/2007 03:00:00 AM
zzz
I feel so shitty right now. So bad, I feel like a rotten tomato. I'm always the last to be in her list since when am i equal? I'm always the missed out by you, fun is all you can think of. I just feel that way...I don't know. I hope my life starts taking a turn for the better, it has been really shitty for the past 3months. What for saying i love you i miss you all the time? it's encraved deep in my mind all the time. I really need attention from her. I'm just a guy who doesn't know what depressed sadness and torments felt like till now, i was naive and never thought about trust, I'm a very simple guy now who wants to live my simple life the way i want it to be.
8/04/2007 02:48:00 AM
zzz
When her friends call,
she do reply she answers,
i msg i call,
she do not reply she hangs.
The world seems so unfair,
my heart never felt so heavy before,
hurts so much,
the unbearable pain,
the sorrow,
the truth.
I love her more than i hate her,
Loving/worrying/anxious(sucks)
I can't hide anymore,
the tears in the eyes,
getting heavier each moment.
Someone please i beg you,
Console me will you.
8/04/2007 12:21:00 AM
zzz
I need somewhere to rant.
8/03/2007 09:24:00 PM
zzz
i love my baby(1) and my siamese baby(2).
love'em all ! Lots
8/03/2007 09:16:00 PM
zzz
Friday is a day to relax, chill, checking out chicks in town, club, get drunk or perhaps a date with her, Friday used to be fun/exciting, well Fridays seems more like a boring day to me nowadays, guess i need her company more than anything else. She's my form of motivation in life; my goal towards life. She simply rocks my world, she's my goddess the woman of my life! Ok back to the Friday thingy, i'm home staring at my com with durains(yummy) and cigs(i can be a chimney) within my reach what else can i ask for?
8/03/2007 05:59:00 PM
zzz
Got home from school. Had movie with Mr.YJ. Had a bad headache! Damn can't sleep well the previous night.When will sweetdreams drop by? Am i getting sick? Having running nose, sneeze quite alot today got blessed by new classmate, headache has just join in the fun. Suffering indeed!
8/03/2007 04:45:00 AM
zzz
Its 4.45am i had a series bad dream. Left hand numb, throat dry, opened my eyes, red and grey is the colour i see. Had some thoughts over the terrible dream, just couldn't go back to my sleep. Whats with my head spinning around, it's not like i've eaten a ton of sushimi! Well thanks to that "sweetdream" i'm sitting out here alone again. Oh man miss her so much now more than everyday i do.
8/03/2007 01:01:00 AM
zzz
Hey MUTHER FCUKer you've been born into the wrong world you've crossed the line. You're seriously in deep shit. You've have no idea whose precious girl you've messed with! You're made her cry!
Whoever you are you're a mouse!
Dip your fingers into your anal lick it enjoy the good stuff,
Fcuk the spider sideways.
Whoever you are there's somethings for sure you have no brains!
Born in the zoo with a hollow skull filled with tartar sauce.
Love watching your brother fcuking your mother?
Your dad anal your sister?
8/03/2007 12:26:00 AM
zzz
Today was a pretty stiff day. I slept late, got up...did something. I don't remember. Curse the hangover thingy! I think i got myself a job, some starhub roadshow shit 7bucks per hr, screw the pay slip! Well at least i found a job she won't be considering me as a useless crap(yeah!). Did some accounts with Mr Yonggie(crazy guy with crazy comments) sorry dude thats my personal Lecturer. Msg her whole day no replies, no call till 11.54pm. She was crying! Our conversation was short which goes like" Hur hur hur, Huh huh, Blah blah...Bang" thats all from her for the day.WTH who bullied her or made her cry, thanks muther fcuker! you've spoil her day and mine!
8/02/2007 07:29:00 PM
zzz
I just want the girl who i like who i love, to say a yes someday. Who calls me, answer my calls and gives me the needed attention. That would be so nice.
8/02/2007 07:12:00 PM
zzz
DAMN IT ! We had Smirnoff and Vodka Vanilla.
While we started off with beer then...
Vodka taste like Thinner !
Vanilla in Thinner is worst !
Very first time i saw him puke !
The best part is the shit is all over my pants !
8/02/2007 02:21:00 AM
zzz
open up inside,
open out your heart what do you feel.
is it real?
look inside to find a deeper love,
i can't think of a better time to say,
it seems like a million years apart.
8/01/2007 09:12:00 PM
zzz
Stunning as she alights from cab.
Stunning as she walks the stairs.
Stunning as she put on her shades.
Stunning as she held her new handbag.
Stunning as she put on her new heels.
Stunning as she presented herself.
Miss Gorgeous she is, Her sweet scent filled the air,
Her scent aroused my senses,
Wonderful time spent, Times up she got to leave,
There she goes like the wind,
Leaving a sweet memory behind.
Labels: baby
8/01/2007 01:53:00 AM
zzz
boy meets girl,
girl meets boy,
got together.
girl loves boy,
boy drifted away,
girl holds on,
boy drags on,
boy left,
girl followed up,
got together again,
often couple quarrels,
boy left once again,
girl got dishearted.
girl recoverd,
boy returns,
girl rejects,
boy trying hard,
boy awaits...
8/01/2007 01:38:00 AM
zzz
Did you ever think of me,
As your best friend.
Did I ever think of you,
Did I ever think of you,
As my enemy.
Did you ever think of me,
I'm not complaining.
I never tried to feel.
I never tried to reach,
Your eden.
Labels: Her Eden
