a mere acquaintance

230309

2010-02-12T00:20:00.002+08:00

eh i miss u! seriously thought about everything you've said and do. finally realised that you've really cared in the past! but i think my actions have proven too late! too late to turn back! i wished to but i'm afraid to confront you. i love you!

2009-07-18T03:56:00.002+08:00

FUCKING INSECURE RIGHT NOW! SHIT! now out of the blue u want back your life?!?! go everyweek and see if i like it anot!!!!TRY THAT! so you're the only one giving in? then i did not do a part then. what to do when u love someone? it's like a someone buring my chest. u don't like my click of friends i try to avoid them u don't like this don't like that i also suit u and now you're the only one giving in your club life? hmmmm maybe it's my wrong. hahaha i'm selfish. i'm pissed and insecure! feel like dying if only i have some pills some syrup! i want to vant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think i'm in deep in love! do you know some times i don't feel good? do you? i always feels that i'm not good enough.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................maybe.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................you have no fucking idea how i'm feeling now! guess now you'll be like 'oh the music was shiok sia i like, next week come again leh' hmmmm fun haiz........................................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUgGGGGGGGGGGGGGGggggggggggggggggHHhhhhhhhhhh

2009-04-19T03:57:00.001+08:00

celebrated her birthday at Rebel was fun. got to know her friends. mingle with them. baby love so love =)

2009-03-24T06:16:00.002+08:00

sweetlove tell you the truth that you just didn't know...
babylove i'm hooked i'm addicted on you
now everything's getting perfect in a way
you said you'll have no time for me in these few days and now i'm missing you badly
sweets you're like in my life 24/7 a minute without you makes me feel so insecure
oh dear i don't know what will happen in days to come
baby you've brought me back on track a pure sense of direction
baby we'll have loads of love exchanging to do ahead right
baby love i'm counting down to the number of hours to see you
IMISSYOUONLYYOULOVES

2009-03-21T08:21:00.003+08:00

one of the happy days=) had some Thai movie 'coming soon' it was a horrifying one scare the wits of of me! had couple of drinks over at bq fun and laughter enjoyed=) dbO tonight must me a greater fun! Bottega Wallet and Keychain i want can see can't buy! someone buy my car so i can buy, i'm so broke=( girl cheer up. smiles.

2009-03-16T20:40:00.002+08:00

Alizee-Moi Lolita

DJ Tiesto-Power Mix

DJ Tiesto-Lethal Industry

DJ Tiesto-Adagio for Strings

value="http://www.youtube.com/v/O666kGBEvF0&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0">

2009-03-10T04:05:00.000+08:00

爱就宅一起..........sooooo nice.........! she's so cute damn..

2009-02-26T03:08:00.002+08:00

Liangyu, Ann
Here's another Ann =)

Ann, Alan, Liangyu

The Ladies and Gentlemen =)

All i could say was FUN FUN FUN.
Was at the right place, with the right drinks and great company, great clubbers. CHEERS.

2009-02-19T07:02:00.002+08:00

Omg...can't sleep having the adrenaline rush pumping inside me! having myself relaxing for the past 2 weeks was great. gotta find my job soon.

2009-02-01T05:00:00.002+08:00

Everybody is working and in schooling, maybe I should be doing the same too soon, cuz i've quited my job...so i'm offically jobless now hahaha, having all the time i could have now but on the other side...no income!
House visiting during the session was great...way awesome then i thought=) lots of angbao, won quite alot but lots of cash flowing in and out too...too bad did not Lao Yu Shen this Chinese New Year.
intended to catch a movie today but ended up somewhere...went to the carpark opposite Cine, was waiting for a lot...did something stupid, put her on reverse and knocked down a bike! goosh! it was embrassing! picked the bike up lucky the exit is right in front so guess what?! i made a run for it hahaha...and the worst part is...it left a 2cm scar on her! damn! hearbrokened...was it my fault? no! that idiot bike parked at the wrong place out of no where!

2009-01-25T05:32:00.002+08:00

night at Impact was boring! celebrated my friend's birthday at Impact! oh hell boring place, made our way to Zouk instead a far better place. well come on Singapore is full of boring stuffs, had enough of the same old people i'm done with it and getting sick of it, should enjoy ourselves overseas when there's chance ya. somehow it feels like i'm missing something out...

2009-01-23T00:54:00.003+08:00

can't wait for Friday's and Saturday's late night party, Sunday's birthday and reunion! then CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! tuesday get some and maybe wednesday off we go to Batam=) Dinner at Aston was goooooood. Awesome treats! looking forward to Zirca and Supper Club...CheerssS. might be going back to school soon=(

2009-01-18T21:16:00.002+08:00

went shopping yesterday=) bought a Burberry polo tee, had dinner at Swensens, went bugis villiage for a walk, saw some folks over there=) had steamboat for supper. went Sabai for drinks, 4 bottles of Martell and unlimited rage and fun. kinda miss though.

2009-01-09T01:04:00.002+08:00

i'm bored...so darn bored...need to buy something...i wanna travel...argh~! i'm spending way too much way beyond my limits...guess i'm making dirty money clearing bad debts haha. Gossh~ give me a month and i'll be alright everything will be back to normal cheers. Darn! OhShit! haven't shop for new clothes gonna buy Burberry polo for sure!
........................................................................................................................................................................................

2008-12-29T02:32:00.002+08:00

have not been blogging since. busy, tired!
work work work, till Christmas came
time to let my hair down.
drink drank till 8am with xun and company=)
bought a gift for her, surprisingly her mum text me=)
gonna meet up with her soon.
time to party again New Year's coming!
time for countdown=)

2008-12-08T18:03:00.002+08:00

celebrated my brother's birthday ytd with family at Paragon. Saw KaiYun there with her friends too. after my brother's birthday, headed down to Sabai Sabai for her birthday, my brother's on the 7th hers on te 8th. drink drank drunk.

2008-12-05T01:59:00.005+08:00

我們的紀念日

帶我走

吻得太逼真

missed! love...

2008-12-05T01:49:00.004+08:00

just finished watching the last 2 episode of Miss No Good. So touching! made me dropped tears.
missed watching with her.
haiz feel like quiting my job, full of liars, actors, 'old ghost'! Argh~!

2008-12-01T01:54:00.002+08:00

plans were blowed on Sat night.
wanted to drink eventually but ended up at Cine instead.
saw my brother and his gf,
brought them to watch some street racing in orchard but ended up joining the crowd.
was fun burning some rubber with 30 over cars.
time to start mob up my car.

to love someone indeed is a torturing.
but to be loved is a blessing,
....missed you!

2008-11-27T01:42:00.002+08:00

dame! i lost my car key!
the damage...$400+
as promise you're the 2nd girl to share my ride with.
miss you so...

2008-11-21T22:58:00.001+08:00

very sad! dropped my Gucci keychain and my car key!
placed them both together and they lost together.
heartpain =(

2008-11-18T22:26:00.002+08:00

Finally got my own ride=) !
wanted to share with her but she wasn't there=(

2008-11-16T17:59:00.003+08:00

After the chalet went to Serangoon Gardens to meet Charmaine, Xun, KaCheong and JiaMin.

had a few rounds of beer then headed down to Sabai Sabai. saw friends over there, drink drank drunk=) home sweet home.

2008-11-16T17:56:00.000+08:00

the rock and roll bashing at the Chalet =)

great fun!

2008-11-16T17:52:00.002+08:00

Lol. just the 3 of us!

Ping and Me

Tian Yuan and Ping

Friday Night at Indo Chine!

2008-11-11T20:44:00.002+08:00

feeling damn bad these few days! fucked up friend! selfish! liar! the word to describe him 'bastard'!!

well i missed her, haven't be catching up with her these few weeks. nothing i can do.

though car is coming by this week or next, not feeling excited at all.

crappy nights. dark clouds all over my head.

life's complitcated, beyond explainations.

not to say about my feelings now.

need to be alone yet a listening ear is needed!

while who can i talk to.

argh! i need happy pills!

2008-11-02T22:15:00.004+08:00

US!!

So Sweet

Charmanine!

Crazy night!

Ah Kai

the boys!

lol

the crazy girls!

night at dbO was so fun!

asked Charmaine to tag along but did not expect Xun to be there lol.

happy!

drink drank drunk=)

next stop Dragon Fly but too bad she's drunk

sent her home=)

2008-10-29T02:19:00.000+08:00

yeah getting my car soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
happy!!!!
i miss her!!!!

2008-10-26T23:39:00.004+08:00

The Living Room At The Marriott.
i love this place!
played my favourite Trance, RnB!
great place to club!
but the down side is....lots of ang mo!

Belvedere Vodka!!!

SWEET!!!!

CHARMANIE's twist of fate

she's drunk!

2008-10-19T03:37:00.002+08:00

last night i dreamt of Xun! forgot how it was like but the whole scenario was like a fairy tale! sweetdreams. woke up by mum went to see car again, she say buy weekend car cheaper! but i don't like!
rushed to my tattoo session, did a whole lot of colouring! painful! i noticed something. everytime when i go for tattoo sessions my heart hurts and i'll think about nothing but her. haha maybe it's more of a taboo session then a tattoo session.
went boat quay to find eric, ahmeng and his wife at Raining, then next to Sake. made KaiYun came up to Sake, had a little sake session with her as promised.
next had prata for supper, sent eric home then headed down to Thailand to find friends. they wanted to go 'mass'. refused no choice so went home.

2008-10-17T21:08:00.002+08:00

YEAH i brought home at near to 2k in 9 days! Happy Delighted Speachless!
haiz but there's ups and downs in my stupid job !
kinda miss her*
haiz as i say ups and downs
work drink drunk sleep and not think so much=)

2008-10-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

2008-10-06T21:46:00.002+08:00

stupid sakae made me drunk!

2008-09-28T21:02:00.002+08:00

went to see the 2nd hand wrx compared the price with a new car, not worth it! so went to see the new civic'09. nice car i like i want. too bad the earliest date i could get my car is at Nov.!!!!

2008-09-28T20:59:00.001+08:00

Lol she can't get a good shot!

2008-09-22T04:18:00.000+08:00

these were the crappy days! argh~!!! i miss you!

2008-09-21T21:24:00.003+08:00

had my 3rd session of tattoo, i swear it has nv been so painful as the previous 2 times! hate the hair part can't take the pain! so finished the upper part of the hair then skipped the lower part! continued with some colouring till i fell asleep, whole body was numb by then. 1st time i saw blood! as they said ' there's a women behind every successful man's back ' hahaha what a phrase.

2008-09-20T03:08:00.002+08:00

went drinking at bedok with ahho, eric, wencheng ,anthony and friends. had fun and laughter. drank and drunk my sorrows. miss her yet i can't go anything, wonder whats she doing, feel like seeing her but i can't. kept to myself once again. painful yet it'll be another day.

2008-09-19T00:41:00.002+08:00

nobody in this world is perfect.
i miss her more than anybody could.
only god knows i could.
in the end it's all that that matters.

2008-09-17T06:02:00.002+08:00

did lots of things wrongly. i must have a change from now onwards! sad things always happens. i hate this feeling, it really sucks! and it hurts damn lot. i miss you!

2008-09-15T04:06:00.002+08:00

i miss you.

it's all i have to say.

though we seldom meet,

but when we do,

it speaks alot.

sometimes i feel you're here,

sometimes you make me feel so cold inside.

i've got to hold onto my nerves that torture me with every mention of your name,

every memory stored.

i asked myself is this a game,

or is this called ''love''.

now you've brought me to a maze,

you left me there,

hide n seek is what it's called,

you hide.

you seek.

how can i find the real you.

everyone is having a piece of you,

teach me how to get a piece of you.

i miss you,

i've paid a dear price for missing you,

yet i will want to continue,

not ending with lies and tears.

love is the reason to love,

not an excuse to get hurt.

i can't fight this reliance.

i love you with all my faults.

i've looked into the mirror,

i've found the curves of me,

it's the curves thats chases you off.

it's the curves i tried to bent,

to take off the sorrow in me

and the hate in me that left with you.

for what i've said,

for what i've done,

i don't hope for anything.

i will still be there for you,

when you're cold at night,

i'll keep you warm with my blanket.

the lines in my palms has deepened for you,

till the day i hold your hand walking down the road.

till the end of your breathe.

i'll hold on to.

i miss you.

i do love.

if you do....

2008-09-15T03:32:00.003+08:00

2008-09-15T03:25:00.002+08:00

i'm kind, i may be good, i will care, i maybe soft, for love i will die in, i can give you what you want if i can!

don't swollow me for i can't!

for i am walking the path no one has walked before.

2008-09-15T03:04:00.002+08:00

it's been,
long since i've drank so much,
long since i've puke,
long since i've cried,
long since i've flared,
long since i've confronted my relatives,
long since i've return mum her justice,
long since i've vant for my dad,
long since i've hugged my friends,
i've done all that yesterday.

now i,
want a daddy's love,
want a love,
want a hug,
want a kiss,
want a pretty face,
want a cat my baby~,
want a bigger heart,
want a smile.
i've not got all that.

my life isn't that pretty after all.

eversince i've felt so lost! without nothing! 24/7 missing!

2008-09-14T19:16:00.001+08:00

i love and i love.

2008-09-10T07:37:00.002+08:00

went Kampong Baru to find eric, ahho and wencheng at pub Otwo. there's this waitress name KeLi, went there few times did not talk to the waitress there don't really know them as well cuz everytime we went there, wencheng and ahho will play with them, but today this girl KeLi went up to our table and tell me she choose a song "XingTong", i said hey i wanted to listen to that song so since you want to sing then you sing lo. just before the song came out we went out for a smoke, the song started playing she ran out saying hey i thought you want listen that song, HELLO i'm smoking here! then her elder sister who was also outside overheard and scolded her thinking that she want to sing. kinda felt guilty causing her to get scolded so i choose the song again and ask her sing. she was kinda pissed, dun care so we carried on drinking drank and drink and drank! till her sister walk up and said something that kinda shock me lo. you like my sister right! OMFG. since when lol. actually she mistaken me for wencheng, crap! next stop boatquay Beerbelly, drink drank and drunk! had prata for supper then ahho suggested going Loyang for praying. Half way through the prayers i PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!! not once but 3 times luckily no one saw. so embrassing! reach home 6+am ! had a shower and now i'm kinda AWAKE!!!!! 2 more hours and i'm off to work! shag! what a day. haiz. i missed her. she has been missing for the pass 48hours and no news of her, guess she's not in the mood ba. but was worried though, tried to care but i can't haiz what to do. so sad that it's so hard to care and be there for someone you love.

2008-09-08T00:07:00.002+08:00

met up with eric wencheng and ahho. wanted to go for eyebrow threading at 1st but miscommunication occurred. too late till the shop closed. headed to chinatown for congee, heavy rain! headed to OTwo after dinner, xiuling and jieying came along. barriers after barriers...!! got high kinda drunk, went graxs to see her after that. got tipsy! had steamboat for supper at bugis. while on the car back home was so damn full and the kick of wanting to vomit came along! tolerate till the end. sad always the 2nd last to reach home! puke when sending ahdave to take him car. everything for supper came out! what a day! missed her.

*pissed! it took so damn long to upload photos from my phone to my com! it's a new phone! with a fucked up programme!

2008-09-04T05:38:00.003+08:00

went graxs with KC and wencheng. saw my secondary friends had a little drinks with them. next stop Nana. not so fun without Rain in action. had a little photo session with her =) 12 more hours to cruise, 1st time experience kinda excited. hurayyY!!!!!

2008-09-03T20:22:00.005+08:00

lol
awww~
=)
beng, eric
lol

=)

omG! Fingering!

Mic, Beng
cheeze~
Beng, Jovin

=)

Beng, Cheng, Cheong

=)
=)
=)
Beng, She
=)

went to some hotel near Machperson for some thai disco. the singer sux lo can't really sing well! but had fun though =) after that went to Nana saw xiao xing had few drinks with him. went for supper and head to friend's hse for a nap so tired! 3 hours of sleep not enough! had a bad headache the whole day! my back itch too! damn! i'm tired!

2008-09-02T01:02:00.003+08:00

did my tattoo shading on saturday. tolerate pain and itchiness for 6hours plus. took a morphine tablet but seems take no effect only cause drowsiness! lousy pill! 6hours of shading and it's not completed, thank god the artist wanted to stop cause my face turned pale! cold, thirsty, hungry, pain. met up with eric and wencheng after tattoo session and went to BaoBao's pub to finish the balance then went to Kampong Baru for next drinking session. closed at 2 we proceed to Boat Quay Beer Belly, took photos but still not sent to me! happy still...cause she came down find me! went to Raining Bar after that then home sweet home.

went to Mitsubishi showroom today with wencheng, actually i've eyed for Honda Civic 1.6 and Mitsubishi Lancer EX. wanted to get the Civic but the price range is out of my budget! so Lancer EX is a better choice. got to save up 2k for the booking fee haiz... lol someone give the idea of pick exterior and pink rims hahaha look like Pink Panther don't think anyone will dare to sit except that someone who suggested it lol.

2008-08-30T12:09:00.004+08:00

wanted to go dbO and Geo to find Xun Charmaine and Ping ytd but by the time i ended work finished dinner i was super tired so headed home took a shower watched some drama series while waited for their call, in the end i ended up on my bed! so sad la. it's been ages since i'd did some shopping! at least i'm awake for my tattoo session at 1pm later. hope it'll not occupy my whole Saturday cause i still want to do some shopping!

2008-08-25T03:59:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
tainted love

2008-08-23T15:15:00.002+08:00

a place where it hurts more than the wounds exist even deeper. i've learned this on a cold night. i don't know what's real anymore in a world coated with lies. your voice i will never forget. the meaning of life is love. it's not your fault. none of it is your fault.

2008-08-23T07:28:00.005+08:00

eric and beng

me and ah ho
wei yang and liang yu
ah bao and beng
he's not smiling!
Gary and Dave

went to Kampong Baru for drinking session. kinda depressed at first. after that went to boat quay. it went deeper!. gone hay wired. i missed her i missed him. did not know she was with someone! broke down. went back alley wanted to vomit but can't drank too much. instead tears came along. but still was drunk! damn!

2008-08-21T20:25:00.003+08:00

something has been missing my entire life, i tried so hard to pretend what it was. i know that you are my guardian angel and i have faith that you are there for me when i need. if you only knew the impact you had on my life. when you went away, part of me did as well, it went with you so you didn’t have to go alone. can you read my lips? what i'm saying. can you feel my heart? how i'm feeling. can you read my mind? who i missed. i know you would because you're always there. i want to thank you for loving me. it kills me that i can’t see your face and the memories sometimes fade away, i hate that feeling. but when it’s just you and i all i think about are the good times we had and could have had if you hadn’t gone away. the only thoughts going through my head were i didn't get to say i love you for one last time. now it’s too late for me. i try not to miss what i never had i try to remember i love you still.the lack of your love has been an insidious pain. the blood that runs through my veins are yours i'm your's and always will. no one could ever replace you. i feel like you had more to teach, and we're both missing out on that. i wonder if you get it all, if you can sense how bad i feeling now. Sometimes, i simply cannot sleep. i stay up all night, to avoid sleep because i'm haunted to see what other's had and i don't, that is you. i just wonder if you get it all. the gravity, the weight inside. i wonder if you're feeling it too. i cant help but think that maybe, just maybe if you didn't leave i wouldn't be so screwed up. i could never see your face feel your hugs never again will i hear your voice. i'm sorry for turning out so messed up, Daddy your dear son misses you! yes i really do. Dear dad read my tears. wherever you are I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU. i'm sorry for being so messed up. if only you were here to listen to my feelings, i won't be so crazy over her. if only you were here to guide me i would not be so lost. the only way to see you is to look into the mirror because i'm you flesh and blood and i resembles you!

2008-08-21T18:25:00.002+08:00

went BaoBao's pub had few jugs of beer, got 2nd in the pool tornerment=) then went golden mile for afew drinks. thought she'll be going to Nana so went down first in the end she's not there. had rain accompanying me=) too bad she's going off soon. wanted to have photo session with her but that stupid phone went low batt! drink drank and got drunk! went home gone crazy.....called her she answered=)

2008-08-18T22:58:00.004+08:00

this songs.......sings! it speaks

2008-08-18T04:12:00.002+08:00

woke up at 6PM today! so tired! took a look at my phone and 17 miss calls! not bothered to call back. no msg or calls from her. sad. wanted to sleep again but phone rang. was Charmaine, asked for steamboat for dinner so drove her to Bugis for her cravings. Xun wanted to come along but too bad she's having dinner at ahma's place. ordered alot so full! nice yummy dinner=)send her home then went to parklane to meet friends. was a nightclub! never even asked for a girl then the "mummy" brought one in, not bad looking Vietnam girl, chatted with her told her about my feelings about her too could not understand, felt like talking to the wall! pissed! texted and called her but no reply, no mood to play either so drink and drink and drank lots! my friends played and they go crazy with the girls, only me kept staring into my phone, was thinking what for get close to a girl when she can't replace her. 1st time to such a place, while could be fun if my mind's free but still this kinda place's not my cup of tea. till now my head's stuffed with her. i missed her. sometimes you rather die than living with the pain though it's part and passel of life! i hate yet i love. i came so close yet she ran.

2008-08-17T05:15:00.002+08:00

2008-08-17T03:45:00.003+08:00

went nana with her and friends on thursday bought her flowers, i asked if she could remember how many flowers i gave her and she did! girl you simply rocks! smiles! we had fun, she enjoyed herself and i'm happy she did, finally she painted the smile on my face, she made my day!went Geo at Shenton Way yesterday met up with Joyce. long time since i've seen her. had a little chat. world is so small they knew one another. happy to see her but till late things went totally wrong for me, gone crazy! she actually hold a guy's hand and walked towards the toilet! was thinking what the hell she's doing! being sensitive i followed thinking she wanted to go to the ladies but i never even see the guy! kept thinking where she went what she's doing! texted her but she denied holding hands, replied just friends. got drunk in the end did not know where my friends brought me for supper. woke up 12pm and 1st thing in my mind was the image of her hold the guy's hand leading the way! once again i gone hay wired, isn't it painful to see such a scene? especially someone you love. it really shattered my heart. texted and texted and called and called her, no reply till evening. saying she was drunk can't remember what she did last night, she is single and what's wrong when she is drunk and the guy held her and there's no reason to explain. it's totally different from what i saw with my own eyes she hold his hand and lead the way. i kept thinking on the negative side! ok yes you are single and yes you have your freedom and i have no rights to interfere but still it hurts to see your love ones doing this and the image isn't good. kept telling myself is it wrong to text her why she is doing this? i was worried yet i'm broken. is it so hard to care and love? i asked myself again and again is my method of caring and loving someone possessive? i don't know the answer kept thinking it's for her own good yet comments from peers were negative about my mindset and what i was doing was wrong. why is love so complicated! the more you care and love the more they back off, but when you don't they will think why are you not caring and do you love me and when you don't really care they leave. devastated as i am now! my tears are dry my heart swollen my mind spins. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LOVE! am i wrong? if yes i'm sorry whatever you do that hurts no matter how many times the glass shatters, i still will be there cause there's love. as you said you love no one for the time being and let nature take it's path, yes i agree some things can't be forced but still i'll run the never ending path to finish line that never exist, cause flowers might one day bloom in the winter. miracle do exists because i love you.

2008-08-13T03:00:00.002+08:00

i had this feelings twice in 22 years, both were amazing women. i was naive, stupid, extremly possessive and i took it for granted. totally messed it up, it was a great mistake a greatest mistake which caused me a great price, a huge drama and a pain beyond words. i've finally realise how stupid i was, i decided to fight for it but it was too late, she won't take me back. she was right and i really was stupid. i've learned and if only i could turn back time. i hope we can but we can't be. wished i've been born without feelings.

2008-08-10T03:46:00.002+08:00

outline of part 1 completed took me a 5 grueling hours of pain and itch!
rested for 5 mins and the begining of outline part 2
completed outline of part 2! 7 hours! i swear it hurts in the begining but feelings numb the pain.

went to JB for seafood. brought some dvds for time killing. texted her a msg did not expect much either. now here i am thinking how can i get a good sleep with all those running through my mind, i want a sweetdream but i don't want the ink to be on my bed either. i miss u hell.

2008-08-08T22:26:00.005+08:00

now i'm constantly working on improving my abilities and knowledge. i'm going through withdrawal and managed to survive for about 2 years, even with a 'high risk' lifestyle it's very confusing. here i am silently strange and joyously ridiculous one moment and masquerade the next, i can be kind of random sometimes, thats me take it or leave it. i meet random strangers everyday, i may be friendly, i may be soft but don't ever break me apart. curiosity and love related subjects fascinates me yet it damage me the most.

i love the people around me who makes me happy, they always give me a stab in the heart whenever they do or say something that hurts me. if you hate me don't worry i hate you too, if you love me rest asure i'll stay close i'll put you in my arms. love is a playground it swings in between heaven and hell hang on to it and may joy and tears be with you. learn the hard way see the bright side of love let the oracle decide our love. i feel sorry for myself i feel like a mannequin now i have no idea of what i'm typing i'm not on dosage and i'm not drunk either. i don't understand either.

2008-08-07T23:52:00.001+08:00

my tattoo...

2008-08-07T02:20:00.002+08:00

her replied msg shocked the world. yes i broke the promise, i admit. what makes the difference if you doesn't care. you're still happily ever after. seriously it doesn't mind to you at all isn't it. it really hurts, the pain the sorrow is so hard to overcome it's not about a simple task, it's about every single drop of tears being kept inside and suddenly being washed away. everything that has gone through a guy's mind i've thought of it, now think of how much i have to ponder before you can light a smile. it probably doesn't matter to you cause i'm simply not worth right! crazy as i am, looking for some other ways to vent my emotions, i turned to my peers drank quite alot today. have not been drinking for quite some time surprisingly i'm tipsy and alive typing! sent them to boat quay after the beer session, went straight home wanted to go nana but i have to control work come first am i right? have to priorities certain things. but still i miss you, hell what i can i do................................................................it aches!............................................................... longing for my new tattoo this saturday! what else can i say; what else can i do; bottom line and the summary for everything is...........i still care and i still miss and i still love. if only we were together i will sacrifice almost everything for you, even by walking through the thickest snow the bitter winter i'll catch the cutest penguin for you. just for you................sounds like rubbish doesn't it. but still i love penguin!

2008-08-04T02:13:00.002+08:00

was asking myself if i was that bad. am i not good enough? why must you leave? it's always like that. i hate it. why can't we settle? why am i missing you and not you. now it's complicated i made it so complicated. everyday i drink it, now 2 bottle of it. everytime i hold 1 in hand i had to think twice before i having a sip of it because you once told me you hate it had me having those kind of things. but now i drink it without hesitations, from fun to relying on it to kill those unhappy thoughts. relying on it to to temporally removing you from my head. it kinda helps! when i rely on it i felt so carefree i don't think of you at the moment when the kicks fade away it made me so tired that you don't even feel like going out end up sleeping, so it helps.
had double dose of it last friday cause it felt so bad inside. went for movie after work. fell asleep during movie. so tired till i almost doze off while driving home. had a good sleep.
received a missed call and a text msg at 4am it was xun. asking where am i, asking me to go discovery find her saying she just reach. too bad was asleep. lol surprisingly she will ask to meet up.
went to shopping for tattoos on saturday. made up my mind from landscape to geisha with blossom tree. initially wanted a blossom tree and a waterfall japanese style but on 2nd thought geisha resembling the girl and the blossom tree resembling love would be meaningful. made up my mind and this coming saturday will be the 1st appointment. looking forward.
i regret the absence of you. in other words i miss you. i'm afraid

2008-07-31T00:54:00.003+08:00

my colleague asked me a every sensitive question today. he asked if my mother and my love one fell into the rive who will i save? i paused for a second pondering...if i save my love one i and not save my mother not forgive myself because no other women can replace my mother...if i save my mother i will go crazy missing her like how i do now! so i replied him i will save my love one first and then die with my mother. why? without my mother there wouldn't be me and sometimes i force myself to believe that if there is a girl who have captured my heart and i strongly love i will want her to be happy thinking perhaps there are even better guys out there who can make her smile brighter.

seriously i wanted to go down see just to see her but i am afraid i don't know why. i felt like i'm hiding from her. my friends are behind my back but i'm just too afraid. strangly this is the 2nd time i had feelings like this. Argh~! ala damn it! maybe we really are not meant to be. it's true that a relationship takes 2 hands to clap but the other 1 is not so maybe this is fate or maybe it's cow dung.

i need a pocketful of sunshine! take me away.......................................! a sweet secret place. a sweet escape. a hiding place. take me away..................................!

2008-07-28T21:53:00.003+08:00

everyone can catch your eye but only one can catch your heart.

2008-07-27T21:57:00.002+08:00

went dinner with mum at Chong Pang had crab for dinner! slept around 7pm ytd after work all the way till this afternoon. still feeling feverish! drunk lots of liang cha but still useless! head spinning! lots of stuff running through my head now. you, job, friends, and so on.... it nv stops.
maybe it's time for me to think about myself, ever since you've cared for others, who has been caring for you other then my parents. now i'm beginning to hate my life. i've not been appreciating things. damn it! i can't stop thinking about you... i felt messed up ever since you're gone, you've pierce a knife through my heart. it's bleeding ever since...i miss you

2008-07-24T01:46:00.002+08:00

sales went bad to worst since monday. improvements need to be made in convincing clients. did very bad a sin today. everytime i step into the illegal jackpot room i never bet but today out of sudden i ask my friends for a game. spinned and lost 50bucks! actually i wanted to leave went i am winning like 20bucks but too paiseh to ask the guy to cash out 20, ego killed me! i swear i'll never bet again! guess what my mum text me today while i'm working, she asked if i want to work in her office. should i or should i not? argh~ i want to settle down! again today i miss you.

2008-07-20T17:13:00.002+08:00

speechless...seeing wencheng sad these days kinda feeling down these days too.
reminiscing about the past...too far too late. dreading for a brighter day to come by.
but for now drowning is the best method. everyday we were blind by the mist trying so hard to find a way out.
the way we miss the way we handle things are by extreme ways, extreme ways we've tried, extreme ways we've gone. argh fark~! i don't know what i'm blogging! living in a coma will be a better way of living through life. god blast us

2008-07-19T04:22:00.002+08:00

i hate being sick! still insist of going work determination ruled over me. thats good somehow. reached home round 10 after OT. friends asked to dbO in the end bathed and fell asleep! somehow my wencheng managed to get into my room and wake me up lol! reach dbO at around 1am music was great had 2 shots and headed to the dancefloor, went to nana after that. saw miss idiot but she didn't see me haha was just beside you idiot! haiz nvm it's sour. surprisingly we went home early! feeling so sick! i need medicine!

2008-07-17T19:51:00.002+08:00

met up with xun and her cousins yesterday night with wencheng over at prata. lol our conversation was like spiking one another, was like
xun: "eh wah nv go to the bugis pub find the dunno what girl drink ar"
ly: " you never go your discovery find your mrThai guy ar"
the conversation continues...
after that went to Loyang to pray, felt kinda release after praying.
haiz history always repeats itself......................

2008-07-16T01:06:00.001+08:00

work work work work...forget forget forget forget...i'm tired!

2008-07-13T17:40:00.002+08:00

in the past few years i'm blinded by love,
through hurt, pain, jealousy and sorrow i've gone,
pain killers doesn't work.
and now,
i've learned my lessons.
it's ok i'll be fine one day.
too bad i'm not the right one,
memories will always be a memory,
just like a nightmare,
it'll haunt you everynight.
i'm scared.
will you enter my world and comfort me?
GUESS NOT!

2008-07-12T03:22:00.003+08:00

2008-07-07T06:50:00.002+08:00

for most problems there's it's own solution.

if ill, go see a doctor.
if broke, find a job.
if robbed, call the police.
if hungry, go to the kitchen.
if dead, report to the grave.
if losing his mind because of someone he loves, however there's no standard solution exists....

2008-07-05T09:07:00.007+08:00

Bonnie and Clyde.

Romeo and Juliet.

for love they died...
by fate we can't be...

tears are the gateway to a soul,
within them contain the emotions.
wrote your name in the sand,
washed away by the sea of yours.
i couldn't help but smile watching you slipping away,
trying to find the saviour to hide my emotions.
wasn't the first time i'd made such a journey,
i'm so near yet you're far from sight.
i closed my eyes and try to see what happened between us.
trying and guessing which heart belongs to you,
now i know and i always knew about it.
once so close and now so far.
just like the waves will wash your name from the sand,
my tears will wash your kisses from my cheek.
yet i do not wish for these tears to roll down my cheeks,
for they're the kisses from you and the short special memories of us.
but this is all i can do,
keep trying?
what else can i say,
because of you…

2008-07-04T05:28:00.003+08:00

"Love is where the Heart is," and i've been missing my heart so. it's sorrow is as sweet to me as a rare wine. am i out of her league? some say fortune rewards the bold. sadness,loneliness avoidance,liar and a players' heart are neither are traits that i hold in high regard. i may have been over sensitive when i said i wasn't, but i try to live in the now where the ghosts of old wrongs do not abide, the past always haunts. now i've fallen in love without hesitation and i took my heart my everything with along. my heart led the way and i followed now i've died in your arms. i've underestimated the angel of love, i've underestimate her greatly. i love u, i'll run the longest marathon to reach for your heart, i'll walk you through the darkest alley, i'll shelter you from the tears in your eyes, i'll protect you from the evil deeds of love, i'll steal the prettiest flowers from the Eden of heavens jut for you, i'll buy you the sweetest KinderBreno. all these just because of you my favourite of all favourites. in the name of love. i love you! i will adore you! most of all i miss you! cuz you're my idiot!

2008-07-02T22:00:00.004+08:00

meet u with rene and yenny at Great Word then to her tattoo shop end up at graxs. she told me alot of things! end up at BQ. while on way home KC called ask me to Nana, went there just to see you. lol Dave gave u flowers. bad things happened last night stupid argument with dunno some graxs customer. but well i don't care. at least i get to speak my heart out to Miss Idiot.

2008-06-30T07:44:00.003+08:00

what a day at nana. esther is coming? i dun think so. intended to find u but well. what a bad day. maybe i'm too much. but well i snap with pretty Rain. but what a really bad day for me. maybe perhaps might be too much a bad day just to see you. so long as you are happy i'm simply contented. feelings are hard to be controlled. you won't understand and you won't, nobody will. at least thank got we had happy memories together. i will and i still will be...with loves. happy to see you today.

2008-06-28T04:26:00.002+08:00

went bedok again for beer session with friends had 17 bottles! everyone was like wanting to go home when it was like 1am only. end up reaching home at 3. feeling kinda weird without your text msges. wasn't sure what i'm thinking feeling was like very lost. yet for sure you ain't mine. hope i knew what was going on in your mind. 1 word for sure is that i miss you badly. it felt like so helpless and i can't do anything. now i'm unsure if falling in love and wanting to care for someone you love is a good thing or a bad idea. things always have to end up in tragic. what am i going to do about it, i don't know for sure. i feel sorry for myself as i'm bring these feelings back again. sorry i've fallen for you.

2008-06-27T17:58:00.002+08:00

things were kinda dramatic last night, can't sleep well. went for interview today. senoko drive! so damn far! tired...kinda lost now kinda unhappy only i know the reason why. everytime things turned out this way, disappointed and lost of fate in myself.

TODAY !

2008-06-25T02:39:00.002+08:00

the gift that made me smile,
the gift that i never thought of,
the gift that made my darkest night bright,
the gift that perfected my birthday,

is you!
your kiss!

advanced birthday!21/06

2008-06-25T02:24:00.009+08:00

2008-06-23T05:20:00.003+08:00

celebrated advance ??th birthday at graxs and raining. was very super happy! did not expect so many people attended! lol not even my ??st birthday was so grand. shocked to see the 1st birthday cake was a slice of fruit cake, but when the 2nd cake arrived was so happy lo. actually was quite lost couldn't remember much only some crazy and stupid incidents, was quite embarrassed the next day when everyone told me what i've done. broke some promise and regretted truly sincerely and whole heatedly i'm sorry feeling remorseful. overall i'm HAPPY beyond words!

feeling kinda stressed right now can't even get to sleep. gotta go for 2nd interview with big boss in unknown days. hope i can get through the interview and get my dream job as auditor! so longing to pass my exams!

18/06/08 @ dbO

2008-06-21T08:52:00.002+08:00

2008-06-21T08:31:00.002+08:00

oh god i can't fall asleep! excited about today's programme, my first time celebrating advance birthday in a pub! for once in 22years i made it big, for once! the mean issue isn't about this, it's about you! miss idiot cuz i miss you! haiz too bad your heart doesn't belong to me. not much of a sad feeling nor feeling disappointed cuz i know u ain't my baby~ to summarise my dearest diary- i miss you yet i can't love me.

my philosophy of love- what you gave out doesn't mean you will get what you expected. give and take don't expect something in return.

2008-06-15T16:52:00.003+08:00

boring reservist finally over. went Robertson Quay yesterday with Tingting James and WenCheng for beer session, the place was packed with soccer fans all over! overall nice ambience. went boat quay next drink like hell. can't even walk drunk like hell. but still can remember she pet my shoulders asking if i'm ok how nice of her.
i've been neglecting my studies again! the motivation isn't there. ROAR~ sad la

what will make us drop tears other than orions?

happy smiling

2008-06-06T15:35:00.002+08:00

it's feeling so strange to wake up in the morning/noon and be glad to see another day. why not be happy and keep the endless smile running thoughout your life as pain and sorrow are the elements that keeps us alive...i wanna fly without crying.

Genting trip

2008-05-19T02:23:00.008+08:00

=)

2008-05-19T02:20:00.002+08:00

had not been blogging for damn long! bloodly window explorer! well i found a job! congrats to me CHEERS* actually i've got not much to blog about though........boring....yawn.....

2008-04-19T19:44:00.002+08:00

had not been blogging these daze. quite tired from night life, recently trying to tone down from drinking, hell! many things had happened! seriously sometimes i've tried not to give a damn about every single aspect of life; love; money; and health. got to end this ongoing life! had not been pubbing these few days, trying to get a part time job, save loads of cash and visit hongkong once again, this time round will be a single trip with friends...leaving for Genting and KL at end of month. get all my remodules done and leave education once and for all! seriously i tried to forget once i loved, well times i missed, times i avoid, i still longed still hope still love, like a fallen angel from the sky. life's full of ups and down, at times find to cope with it will be hard yet worth trying.
peace out.

2008-04-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

i miss you ! ! !

2008-03-28T17:23:00.002+08:00

the things you draw...you've brightened my day. the words you wrote...you've made me smile.

2008-03-27T03:02:00.002+08:00

me, myself and i.....................................................................................................................

2008-03-20T17:36:00.001+08:00

be glad to have been loved rather then not being loved at all.

2008-03-20T17:25:00.002+08:00

we could have heen together...happily together! seconds seems like minutes. minutes seems like hours. days seems like months. months seems like years. think again i still do care, we could have been together...happily together! with love

2008-03-17T16:15:00.002+08:00

i can't tell if i'm confused or sad. it tears me open , cause i feel so bad. it's hard to be alone and watch you fly away. it scares me and i don't know why. it hurts and it stings, it drowns me in death. i felt so left out, there is so much of you i've missed. neglected, left out, totally forgotten about, it's not what i wanted,not what i intended, but somehow it's what happened, i'm sorry to say this. i'm sorry it's true, i don't know what to think, i don't know what to do, i know that i can fix this, if you'll let me try. i feel like you're not giving anything back, while i'm giving all of me to you and you're making me cry, you're making me hurt...i'm not sure if you're true but there are problems and holes in your words and actions that i don't understand. love almost killed me and you didn’t care. i really needed you and you were never there, you could have helped if you wanted to but you turned your back. only cared about yourself and your fun. but now i’ve died, died of a broken heart. now you can sing my funeral song and be happy with your live all night long.

2008-03-15T16:46:00.002+08:00

have i done anything wrong?
what have i done wrong?
sorry?
can't i shower enough love?
am i just another passer-by?
must i be treated like this?
alot of hidden truth?
am i not good enough?

maybe perhaps i'm a lousy lover!